Thoughts on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

I don’t know about you guys, but 75% of my Facebook news feed is videos of friends and celebrities doing the ALS ice bucket challenge. Before I go any further, let me just preface this post by saying that I commend everyone who has participated in helping raise awareness for this cause, and especially to all of the people who actually donated and didn’t just throw perfectly good clean water on their heads for shits and giggles. That said:

The fact that this thing has gone so viral that it’s literally infected my news feed to the point of every other article is a video or link of someone else doing this challenge is a feat in and of itself. My thoughts on this subject a very love/hate. 

The one hand, as I mentioned earlier, I respect everyone who is participating and in turn spreading awareness of the disease and helping raise money for research and the foundation. However, I have a few qualms with all of this.

The first and foremost is the complete waste of perfectly good clean drinking water. There are people around the world, this very second, literally dying due to malnutrition and unsafe drinking water, while people of our privilege are throwing buckets of water on their heads in order to avoid donating $100 (that no one can actually force you to donate anyway, btw) to the ALS foundation. 

Secondly, as the circle of people who haven’t been nominated to do this challenge yet continues to grow smaller (seriously, this is spreading like wildfire) I feel anxious about being nominated and keep practicing in my head what I’d do. For one thing, and don’t take this the wrong way, but I will not be donating to the ALS foundation. Why? Because I’d rather donate my money to a cause that I genuinely care about, like the WaterisLife.org foundation, which is probably most known for those really cool “straws” that filter dirty water into clean drinking water for people in unprivileged countries such as Ghana, Kenya, and Haiti. 

You may have seen this picture.

If you think I sound haughty, heartless, or holier-than-thou, let me tell you that I completely understand the idea of “just because it doesn’t effect you, don’t mean it isn’t important” and I totally agree. Again, points to all of you who are donating/spreading the word. ALS is certainly not a fun disease to have, and my heart goes out to everyone who has to deal with the crippling disease. However, I would rather conserve a bucket of ice water and donate and promote clean water foundations that help bring a fundamental necessity to people who very seriously need it. 

So while this viral challenge continues to snowball in momentum and provide us with hundreds and thousands of great videos (Tom Hiddleston, I’m talking about you) and millions of dollars raised for the ALS foundation, please be reminded that there are thousands of charities and organizations that you can donate to that you may have more a personal connection to. Please don’t hesitate to Google organizations for diseases, research, etc and find out how you can help. 

For anyone interested in donating to the Water is Life foundation, click this text right here.

#dontnominateme 

I AM A FUCKING MERMAID

I couldn’t handle it anymore. I did it. I made myself a mermaid tail.

I took pictures and videos and omg it’s fantastic. I layed around in my pool mostly just flapping my tail and watching the clouds go by at 75mph (thunderstorms were coming in) for an hour.

I need to add some reinforcement to the fluke because it flops around a lot and it’s cumbersome to actually swim like a mermaid with only heavy interfacing acting as the fluke. Possibly some boning or sheets of plastic would work. OR, I could order a monofin. We’ll see.

I Should’ve Been a Mermaid

I’ve always been fascinated with mermaids. For as long as I can remember. When I was young, I used to draw them all. the. time. I even drew a lineart tattoo design in high school once.

Last year I somehow discovered that there were people out there making working mermaid tails. Actually I think it was an article on AOL about a mom who made ones out of spandex, and I got sucked into the vortex and found there were more mermaid tail artists, including the most famous, The Mertailor, a guy by the name of Eric who specializes in professional grade silicone mermaid tails.

Ever since this discovery, I have been more obsessed with mermaids than ever before. I’ve taught myself to hold my breath longer, to swim better with my legs together, and to dolphin kick better.

I’ve finally decided the time has come for me to make my own mermaid tail. I have a buttload of coupons from Joann’s and I’m about go to do some damage on swimswear spandex.

One day though, one day I will have enough money to splurge and get myself a custom silicone tail. Or 10.

Listen Here, Businesses with Insufficient Sprinklers!

Dear Businesses That Irrigate Your Premises with Insufficient Sprinklers,

Okay listen. I appreciate the fact that ya’ll feel the need to look all cute and presentable and have nice manicured lawns because it looks good for business, but I don’t know when the last time was that ya’ll took a stroll outside while your sprinklers were watering your grass, so let me tell you something: I swear to god nearly every one of you have one or more rogue sprinklers that water CONCRETE. They are spraying the GODDAMN CEMENT.

I’m by no means an environmental activist, but things to do with conserving the forests and especially fresh water have always held a place in my heart. I don’t know if ya’ll have checked the amount of fresh water available on this planet in comparison to the amount of people and animals, but last I heard, we’re like always in shortage. Hence all those people around the world who have trouble getting clean water and need special taps. Meanwhile all you assholes are over here in the States are spraying water all over cement neglecting the fact that all that water you wasted probably could’ve quenched the thirst of 3 small villages.

All I’m saying is that all ya’ll need to firstly check your stupid sprinklers and make sure they’re spraying grass, not concrete, and secondly, maybe invest in those kinds of gentle circular sprinklers instead of the traditional ones that make that cliche sprinkler noise and only water one area. I mean, it just makes so much more sense. Not only will you not be potentially wasting water on concrete, but you’ll also be irrigating more of your grass. DO I HEAR A WIN FUCKING WIN!?

THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL NEED.

Sincerely,
A Very Annoyed Driver Who Sees This Shit All the Fucking Time