I feel like I’m kind of at a crossroads in my life. Maybe. I think.
There are times when I don’t know what I want to do anymore. But the fire within me for being a fashion designer still burns, and I still feel the same about it: my ultimate goal is to make people happy through clothes.
However, I’m having a hard time finding a way into the industry and getting myself known and showing off my abilities. But I live in Michigan. And the metro Detroit area to boot. We are starters here. What we don’t have, we make. My problem is not so much the making of goods, but rather the providing of services. I don’t know where to begin to get my product out, besides like Etsy, where the competition is so thick, I get lost in the throng.
I need immediate turnover. I need people to see my stuff and say yes, I want this now. I want this today. Not add it to some wishlist or favorites group for a maybe later. This is the biggest challenge for me. Is getting a footing and establishing myself. But I guess before I do that I need to figure out exactly what my niche is going to be. I seem to really be drawn to making jewelry. And taking photos. I haven’t properly sketched clothes since college to be honest, and that’s a problem. I don’t enjoy the computer aided design aspect of it at all and I’ll be the first to admit to it. I loathe the Gerber program and while Illustrator flats can be okay to do sometimes, I generally find the practice tedious and annoying. I am not a technical designer by any stretch.
But I like coming up with concepts and ideas and little details. I like making color palettes and organizing things and looking at things from different angles to better understand them. Nonetheless, I still feel lost. I know what I’m good at, but I tend to forget and think of myself as not being good at anything worth while. And then it’s a whole whirlwind of “BUT HOW WILL I SUPPORT MYSELF IF I CAN’T DO X AND Y!?” It’s a tumultuous mental journey that I’ve been having far too often lately and I need to figure out a way to get out of it. Like, asap.
On the bright side, I have faith things will turn around. They always do. There is an ending to every journey, so new ones may begin. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, but I do know it will change. Everything always changes.
Today I cooked this:
Food porn is on the way to Vivography.
I also went to see my high school’s spring musical tonight with my brother. These are my observations:
1. A lot of the high school girls ARE REALLY SHORT wtf?
2. When I was in high school, there weren’t a lot of people who did drama club, but they were way better vocally than everyone who sang tonight.
3. Reserved seats. Really? Really?
Man, the days are starting to blend together. It’s like being on summer vacation, but with a lot of debt that I have to pay off and pray I do it in time so as not to have my shit taken from me.
I’m tired. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. But at least I have a shortened day. And then I get to see my biffle. <3 Can’t wait for that part!
Okay, good night.
P.S. THERE’S A NEW POST UP ON VIVOGRAPHY. GO READ. TRY NOT TO BECOME TOO HUNGRY.
How I feel emotionally right now:
To add injury to insult, it feels like my wounds have been licked by a salted cat’s tongue. But I’ll get through it. Because I’m accustomed to picking up the pieces and powering on. I’m surprised I’m taking this as well as I am though. I guess I realize that it’s really not my loss and I’m better off. Back to square one it is.
But the highlight of today outshines this laceration in every way.
Anyway. So I’m like officially done with college now. It’s kind of blowing my mind. I got really drunk last night at bowling and the bar after. And then, of course, I left evidence in written form on the internet because that’s what drunk me loves to do. But I had a lot of fun and I was happy more than like five people showed up to the event.
I’m kind of confused as to what to do with my life, though. I mean, not like obscenely confused, but I just finished over a decade straight of school and now I’m expected to enter “the real world” or something? I know what I’m going to be doing first: cleaning. And making lists of things I need to get done, like starting to make things to sell. And more photography. And many more Vivography posts. And catching up on tv and movies. And refining my Adobe skills.
Good lord, I have life to catch up on. I will start by watching the last two Once Upon A Time episodes I missed.
So I don’t have any plans for Valentine’s Day because I don’t have a date or anything, as usual – but for some reason, every year without fail, I get overly excited and I dress up as if I do have a date. This year will be no different. It’s supposed to be 40 degrees on VDay, so I can wear a dress and possibly not cover my legs too much. We’ll see. I do kind of have a legitimate reason to be a little excited this year though…possibly.
Today has been a very productive day. I made a list of homework I needed to get done and I crossed off….4/7 things which is quite good. Those 4 things were things I needed to get done asap anyway. The other 3 I have a little more time for. Regardless, it felt really good to be able to visualize what I needed to do, do it, and then cross it off. I think that’s really helpful sometimes for keeping ones sanity.
One thing that wasn’t on my list but was in my mental list was updating Vivography, and I diiiiid. There are some pretty hot pics of chicks in spandex. I know you all wanna see that shit. Here’s the link. You’re welcome. And here’s a preview pic so you know what you’re getting yourself into . You’re double welcome.