Bella, You Dumb Bitch.

I am totally shameless. 

Let me preface this by saying that in high school, I was completely and totally against anything and everything Twilight. My freshman year of college (I think…might’ve been sophomore, whatever) I decided that I needed to read the books, having seen the first two movies and *gasp* LIKING THEM.

And now I’m here, senior year of college, excitedly awaiting the arrival of the final installment of the saga, and watching New Moon for the second night in a row on FX. I still want to smack Edward for leaving though, and Bella for being a dumb bitch. And still thinking Jacob needs a fucking haircut already. Like, fasterrr, please.

Anyway, earlier I went out to my car to get the coat and blazer I bought after work, and as I was walking to and fro, there was a sound of like….drones, almost. And it made me think of like, some post-apocalyptic-1984-regime-star-wars-era scenario and I started coming up with a plot for a book.

Here’s the thing though. I always come up with these book ideas and sometimes I start to write them. But I never finish them…and suddenly I’ve remembered that starting on November 1st, it is totally NaNoWriMo! (That’s National Novel Writing Month, for you noobs out there, in which you spend 30 days trying to write a 50,000 word novel.) Maybe I should participate in it for real this year. Last year I thought about it. I did a 30 day pre-NaNoWriMo challenge on this blog that turned out to be my 365 project. And here I am, on the cusp of finishing it up.

I’m still undecided about whether I want to do it again, for another year – the whole 365 blogging thing, that is. What do you guys think?

Dear Netty: An Open Letter to Netflix.

Dear Netflix,

I bet you were wondering when I’d take a crack at you this month. Just kidding, you don’t have a brain. But if you did, then you’d know how much I really don’t appreciate you shitting out on me at least once per whatever episode I’m trying to watch on my Google TV. We’ve had a good almost-year Netty, why the sudden error-parade? And worse, why is it that whenever I try to restart watching whatever it is I’m currently watching, that I have to restart my entire TV in order for you to work again? I don’t like that Netty. I don’t like it at all.

I pay $7.99 a month so you can deliver greatness to my life. Now, that may not be much, considering I have two jobs and can afford your frivolity. But that does not give you the right to poop out on me, or worse, offer me such a limited selection on instant.

See, before your big policy change last summer, I was very much considering getting the mail-in DVDs for $2 more. But your price increase to another $7.99 steered me clear. I don’t have that much time for you Netty, nor do I care to dish out $15.98 every month for your services. If I had decided to do this challenge a month ago, this would’ve been the part where I would’ve complained that you didn’t have Dawson’s Creek on instant. But you saved your ass there by FINALLY uploading it, even though we both knew it should’ve been added at the same time you added Felicity and other shows from that time period.

Why the hell don’t you have Sailor Moon, Netty? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD WATCH THAT SHIT!? Probably more than just me.

Speaking of which, I am continually disappointed with the selection of “mainstream” movies you offer me on instant, Netty. I feel like you should’ve acquired the rights to Avatar by last year, as well as the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Harry Potter, and dare I say it? Twilight. That’s right. Sometimes I feel the need to watch really cheesy love stories about vampires, werewolves, and an idiot teenage girl and frankly, I want to watch them instantly. Netty, you’re not delivering this to me and it make me really sad. Also, I am extremely disappointed with the selection of Robin Williams films and lack of stand up comedy.

But you know what Netty? At the same time, I kind of love you. I love you for The Tudors, Felicity, Keeping Up Appearances, Mad Men, and other goodies you do have on instant. I love you for the plethora of foreign movies I’ve watched, and I love you for hosting some raunchy ass stuff. But for the love of god Netty, get some better shit on there.

xoxo,
A Semi-Satisfied Customer.

And with that said, I started watching Mad Men last night on Netty up there. So far, so good. I’m enjoying the costumes and the allure of the 60s, despite everyone smoking like snakes and drinking (while pregnant!). Not to mention the racism, sexism, and infidelity. Apparently that shit ran rampant in the 60s. People were so naive back then.

I also had a photoshoot today! I was behind the camera the whole time, taking action shots of my friend Kris for one of his photography projects. It was pretty cool actually. We spent about 40 minutes in a field by the The Hill (not The Hills restaurant) and slowly watched a storm roll in in the process. Luckily, it started raining right as we were getting into our cars and going our separate ways. Pictures coming soon!

Bitches Be Crazy and Breaking Dawn Review.

I thought about making today’s post earlier in the day, but I figured that maybe I might have a story or two from work to add, so I waiting until now to write it up. I was right in doing so, because I do have a small little story to tell you all about:

When I left work, driving in the parking lot, there was this middle-aged black lady crossing from Little Caesar’s to her car with her toddler, and I wasn’t speeding, but I was driving a little fast for the parking lot – however, I definitely slowed down well before I got close to this chick. Anyway, as I was almost to a stop, she stopped, stared at me and screamed “THE FUCK!?” and then I drove on and she was yelling after my car. It was a very strangely hilarious moment because she looked fucking out of her mind, as if I had been trying to kill her or something? I’m pretty sure she thought I was going to hit her, but I can assure you all that I slowed down from quite a distance. Her hostility is what causes stereotypes. Just sayin’.

Anyway, crazy motherfuckers aside, as my mobile post from last night says, I saw Breaking Dawn Part 1 with Amanda, Alyza and her manfriend, and it was pretty good. As with any Twilight movie/book, it left me with kind of an empty feeling like I want more, or there’s something missing, but all the eye-candy in that movie was worth my $8.50 ticket. And waiting in line. First in line, by the way, for my theatre.

I know someone commented [which I appreciate, btw] on last night’s post saying no spoilers , but my personal opinion on spoilers for movies that are based on books is that if me reviewing the movie spoils something for you, then that’s your fault for not reading the book. Because I’m pretty sure that 9 times out of 10, that’s the reason why that would happen. Therefore, I will put a SPOILER ALERT DISCLAIMER IN CAPSLOCK right this very second because I’m about to dish on a few things. So if you’re lame and you haven’t read the books, and haven’t seen the movie yet, stop reading. Unless you like spoilers. In which case, you can continue reading. I would.

Filmography-wise, I noticed there were a lot of close-up shots of people’s faces and it disturbed me. I felt like Bella and Edward were coming right for me the entire damn movie and I was like shit, son. Content-wise, I didn’t get pissed the way I do about Harry Potter movies, because from what I remember of the book, they seemed to have done pretty much everything in the way it happened. Didn’t really take stuff out and make stuff up, and I really appreciate that.

Just like the books, there wasn’t a lot of substance to the movie, which I said before, left me with an empty feeling. But it was still good. There were a lot of funny parts, and Bella looked like death – literally – for like half the movie when Renesmee was drinking all the blood inside her. And when Bella was sipping on all that blood – and my entire theatre was like “UUUUUUHHHH!!!” for like five minutes. Also, I especially liked the ending when all the losers who don’t know what’s going to happen think she’s dead, but then they’re like =O because she opens her eyes and they’re red and then the credits roll. And like 1 a minute in the credits, when the Volturi get Carlisle’s letter – love that part. Also love all the sexytime parts between Bella and Edward. But the best part, in my opinion, is when we see Renesmee all grown up as Jake is imprinting on her. She is so beautiful.