From Ugly to Hot

I read an “article” today on Thought Catalog that was a compilation of people telling their stories of going from “ugly to hot” which really meant losing weight and how society treated them differently based on their weight loss.

The fourth story down made me cry.

I have experienced these exact situations and I totally understand where these people are coming from. It’s disheartening in a way, to see how shallow people really are. But it’s real and it happens and we have to deal with it. People are more willing to want to get to know someone if they are “aesthetically pleasing” in accordance to the current societal views of what aesthetically pleasing is.

I’ve gone through the phase of saying “if you didn’t give me the time of day when I was fatter, why should I give YOU the time of day now that you think I’m worth yours?” But the truth is that, again, people are shallow. I am in fact a shallow person myself, I’ll admit it. It’s just something we have to learn to live with, I guess, and work on recognizing it and improving our attitudes.

I’ma Break It Down For You.

I hate when I come up with great ideas for what I should write about on here and then I completely forget them come time to actually execute them.

Anyway, I just read this Thought Catalog article entitled I Want You Because and while it is completely and irrevocably relatable, it got me thinking.

Isn’t it interesting how we form these bonds with people? Like invisible strings, attaching to one person and to the next, forming this worldly web where somehow, your one link leads to literally the rest of the world.

Re-reading this article, however, makes me want to talk about just how damn accurate it is, instead of whatever my original derivative thought was. But all I really have to say is that it’s really damn accurate and I’m not sure just exactly how to expand on that thought. Maybe I should break it down by paragraph.

Sometimes I wish I could just remove the want, extract it, but I get the feeling the want is not one of those things you can readily extract, like rotten teeth or slow-moving venom.

Yes. Accurate. Never have I ever been able to simply remove the want. Whether it be for a person or an object or a situation. Every “just stop” repeated in my mind is a futile battle that my brain plays with itself.

And it’s not that I want you officially, like I want your last name or your Sunday mornings or your hard shiny promise, I just want to absorb you. I want to know what you know, want to hear your stories, want to filter through them gently and get lost in them, them and the soft hypnosis of your hands in my hair.

I just want to absorb you is pretty much the best way to put it. Because sometimes, that is all you want. It’s kind of this monstrously insatiable feeling. Like how I feel about Pumpkin Spice Lattes or shiny new electronics or Chinese food. It’s like the presence of that someone is never enough, because the absorption of them is like a wet sponge that wants to hold more.

And I know we can’t be anything, I know that, but when has knowing anything stopped me from feeling it? Knowing better stopped me from wanting it?

Possibly the most poignant part of this whole blog post. Because when has knowing better ever stopped anyone from not wanting something? The saying goes “the heart wants what it wants” right? Relevant. You can try to tell yourself to stop wanting someone or something. But just because you tell yourself to stop, doesn’t mean you have the willpower or the mindset to do it.

And just because you tell yourself to stop, doesn’t mean you actually want to stop. Because that want is the titillating part of your day. It makes you feel alive and maybe a little dangerous, like maybe you’re living your life momentarily on the edge.

I guess that’s all.

Fuck You, gud.

As a blogger (never really thought of myself in that way…) sometimes I read articles by other bloggers, mostly on Thought Catalog, that are interesting, thought-provoking, and inspiring. And then I get this monumental urge to write something in relation to their article. I’ve had that happen about two or three times today. However, somehow the minutes between deciding I wanted to write in relation to those articles and finally opening up WordPress have diminished my desire to do so. And now I just feel blah.

I’ve also decided to start writing tonight’s post early. Like, at least 6 hours early, in the hopes that I’ll get to bed “on time”. And also because it’s only week one and I already have what seems like a pile of homework. Maybe I need to have a better attitude about homework and it won’t seem like it’s the end of the world every day. I think I officially have Senioritis. I don’t want to do anything, but unlike high school, I actually have shitloads of stuff to do.

I’m also kind of nervous about going to the gym today, for the first time ever, by myself. The amusing and ironic part of it is that I read an article today on Thought Catalog entitled Stop Caring What Everyone Else Thinks, which basically mirrored my hypocritical thoughts about the whole issue of caring what others think of you.

Relatedly, whenever I go outside to exercise around my neighborhood, for some reason the paranoia sets in and I think to myself ridiculous things like “I bet my neighbors are watching me, thinking ‘look at that fat girl‘” and whoever they might be saying that to might be replying with “‘yeah, but at least she’s doing something about her weight.'” Every. Single. Time. I guess that’s how insecurities work. But hey, at least I am doing something about my weight. I’m more confident and comfortable with who I am today than I ever have been.

I don’t have stupid, ignorant and naive high schoolers watching me with their peer-pressuring eyes, making me feel insecure on a day to day basis anymore. That’s the wonderful thing about college, actually. Especially art/design college. Nobody really gives a fuck what you look like, to be honest. And if they do, it’s most likely because they’re stuck in their high school mentality, or they’re a snobby fashion design student, if it’s related to clothing choices. True story.

Lastly, I just saw THIS on Facebook from güd:

And I am (probably unnaturally) infuriated with the message. UNTHANKFUL for European-style bathing suits? THAT’S FUCKING IGNORANT. Like, ugh, I can’t even properly express how angry that makes me. In a world that has been trying to get people to accept themselves and all kinds of weird things, this is just unacceptable. IF YOU WANT TO WEAR A EUROPEAN-STYLE BATHING SUITS, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, SO GO THE FUCK AHEAD.

MATT GREVERS.

Thoughts on Thought Catalog.

When I’m at work and have nothing to do, I tend to end up reading Thought Catalog.

This is the process that occurs when I read Thought Catalog:

1. Oooo, that’s a witty/interesting title, *click*.
2. LOL, omfg, so true.
3. That’s a good topic for my blog…*mental note*…*forget 5 minutes later*
4. Hmm, I wonder how one can become a Thought Catalog writer….
5. Nice use of not-so-often used words there…
6. I WISH I COULD COME UP WITH SUCH WITTY IDEAS FOR BLOG POSTS, GODDAMNIT.
7. Resentment/longing/feeling of fulfillment after associating with read post ensues.

The reason I started this blog was because The Bloggess‘s writing style inspired me and I wanted to emulate that. Thought Catalog does the same thing to me. Somehow, though, I still end up writing in my own way, about my own life and strifes, which, apparently, isn’t a word, but should be.

Anyway, I need to fix my hair cause it looks like a half curly-wavy poofy rats nest. Go read Thought Catalog.