That We Are Underlings

I finished it. 

Every single page of it.

I laughed. I cried. I snorted. I fell in love and had my heart broken by fictional characters in Amsterdam, and I literally LOLed every time I read “the Literal Heart of Jesus” and I wished with all my heart that someday I’d have my own Augustus Waters. Someone so amazingly confident in themselves, so heartwarmingly comforting, so absolutely and enduringly intelligent to the last page.

Goddamnit, why can’t there be an Augustus Waters equivalent in my life!?

Literally when I finished the book I was like WHAT IS LIFE. HOW DO I GO ON. I didn’t cry at the very end, surprisingly. But it’s been a while since I’ve read a book so quickly. I’m proud of my determination to finish it. It. Was. So. Fucking. Good. Literally shot up to my top favorite books and I will be recommending it from this moment on until the day I die. Therefore, if you have yet to read it, GO BUY THE FAULT IN OUR STARS BY JOHN GREEN ASAP AND READ IT. NOW. I’M NOT JOKING. DO IT. CLICK THIS TEXT, IT’LL GET YOU TO YOUR DESTINATION FASTER. 

And now it’s on to more books! I’m not sure which to begin next, but it might be The Probability of Miracles…or perhaps What My Mother Doesn’t Know because J1B insists that I read it, like, yesterday. Although I’m leaning toward the former. (I’M SORRY, B, I’LL GET THERE.)

I must also add Game of Thrones to my physical queue, as a chat with HNI has convinced me that I will probably like the books. I’d love to watch the show too actually – you know, when I have more time to watch tv serials and not drown in homework and jewelry sales.

On Anxiety, The Fault in Our Stars, and Feeling Attractive

Well, as I happily updated last night, my eyeballs are okay! I went in for an emergency eye exam after class and found out that in fact, my retinas are not detaching (yet, at least) but are rather in the same state they were last year – just thinning. They’ve been thinning for years now actually. I remember I was told by my old eye doctor in 7th grade that they were thinning, which sent me into a downward spiral or paranoia and anxiety for 2 years, until finally, one day in 9th grade Honors English, my friend Krista, tired of hearing me freak out about my eyes, yelled at me that IT CAN BE FIXED! And somehow, that simple frustrated statement calmed me down completely and I didn’t think about it again until very recently when I noticed floaters and flashes.

But, thankfully I’m okay and I don’t need surgery or cryogenics to freeze any holes in my eyes because there are no holes in my eyes, apparently. I bought milkshakes for everyone last night after the exam to celebrate. And then I took pictures of my wonderfully dilated doe eyes:

I wish my pupils were this huge at all times.

On a note that I will relate back to this topic, I read chapters 2 and 3 of The Fault in Our Stars last night by John Green. THAT SHIT IS SO GOOD YOU GUYS. I was going to stop at chapter 2 because I was tired, but I was like FUCK IT I can’t put this down.

I came to the conclusion that I wish Augustus Waters was a real person. Like, why can’t there be some attractive guy in my life who uses big words in witty comments about total the fear of total oblivion and asks me to watch V for Vendetta at his house and flirts with me incessantly? Why? Why can’t these people be real? Why can’t there be some guy out there who is perfectly sweet and interested and completely okay with my anxious-paranoia state of mind when it comes to medical problems like my eyeballs?

I really hope whoever I end up with (if anyone ever) will be able to adequately handle my mental problems with these things. Not that I have actual mental problems, but I drive myself insane with anxiety/paranoia when it comes to any medical complications. They always trump anything else in my life and I spend every breathing moment thinking of the worst possible scenarios of whatever affliction I have. It’s vicious.

On the bright side, finding out I’m okay made me feel a million times better, and so, I dressed accordingly. And I can tell I lost weight and I feel so damn good.


I’m pretty excited right now cause in 15 minutes, An Idiot Abroad: The Bucket List is premiering and if you haven’t seen the original An Idiot Abroad, I highly urge you to watch this show. You will laugh out loud. It’s a Ricky Gervais project. He sends his friend Carl around the world and has him taped as he complains about everything. Which sounds whiny, but it’s fucking hilarious because the guy goes to places like Cairo and The Great Wall of China and the magnificence of it all that would make a normal person be like “HOLY HORSE TESTICLES, THIS IS AWESOME!” completely blows over Carl’s head. Plus, the commercials promoting tonight’s episode are UPROARIOUS. And by that I mean Ricky screaming about prostrate examinations makes me LOL.

Speaking of television, I started watching the movie Lambada on Netflix, got 10 minutes in, and decided it was too lame to watch. So I started watching Felicity – which I’d always been under the impression was a show about a working class lady. I was surprised to learn it’s about a college student who followed her high school crush to New York on a complete whim. The first two episodes were good enough for me to continue to watch it when I have time. Plus, THE PINK RANGER FROM THE MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS MOVIE PLAYS IN THE SHOW.

The cherry on top was my day was neither of the above, but rather the chance find I happened upon at Meijer today. I’ve been wanting to read John Green‘s new book, The Fault In Our Stars since I heard it had come out, so I thought I’d go check out Meijer’s books to see if I could find any copies. Lo and behold, I found ONE SINGLE COPY left – BUT IT GETS BETTER. It had a yellow sticker on the front that said “SIGNED COPY” so I checked the first few pages, and IT IS INDEED HAND-SIGNED BY JOHN GREEN. I checked to see if it’s real, and it is because the green Sharpie he used bled to the other side.

I tweeted this at John too!

When I got home, I sketched out my designs for fashion design class and began rendering them in Photoshop – which has become a colossal pain my ass. Just sayin’. But I think I might continue with it.

Now it’s time for An Idiot Abroad, cheers!