I couldn’t handle it anymore. I did it. I made myself a mermaid tail.

I took pictures and videos and omg it’s fantastic. I layed around in my pool mostly just flapping my tail and watching the clouds go by at 75mph (thunderstorms were coming in) for an hour.

I need to add some reinforcement to the fluke because it flops around a lot and it’s cumbersome to actually swim like a mermaid with only heavy interfacing acting as the fluke. Possibly some boning or sheets of plastic would work. OR, I could order a monofin. We’ll see.

Frank 2.0

Day 4. 

Today I am grateful that I feel the aches of physical pain because it means that I’m alive. I’m also grateful that I feel emotional pain because it means I still have my humanity.

I’ve thought long and hard about Frank all day (I also ran into him again today at the gym!) and what he said to me about his out of body experience – that if God let him come back to Earth, he was not allowed to help alter anyone’s life. I think this must be the reason we met.

I have a friend who is extremely unhappy – like legitmately suicidal unhappy. It is in my instincts to help people as much as I can and he is a case that I won’t give up on. I think meeting Frank is a sign from God or the universe or what have you that despite my efforts, I cannot change him. And I know that. All I can do is help him to see the change he can be.

But God, if I could, I would take away all his pain and misery and replace it with all the joy and happiness in the world because he deserves it. But I can’t do that. No one can change another person. All we can do is try to infuse our positive thoughts so that they may help themselves.


A couple weeks ago, Mini Boss and I were having some in-depth discussion about I don’t know what and she said “you know, I truly believe God helps those who help themselves.” And I sat there nodding, absorbing the sentiment of that statement. I think she’s right. Whatever forces are out there, I find that they are stronger when one has the willingness and positivity and state of mind to help oneself get to whatever point one wants to be at.

That’s the first step. Learning to be in a more positive state of mind. It’s hard, believe me, I know. But it’s possible. I just wish I could just plug my state of mind into others’ like a plug into a socket.

I Can’t Handle Life or Death Situations

Day 2.

Today I’m grateful for the privilege of being able to afford going to a gym and having my health in order to do anything there. I’m also extremely thankful that I overcame my fear and taught myself how to swim when I was 10 years old.

I say this because I went to the gym twice today. The first time was to the location near school, but I left because I forgot my shoes at home. On my way out, one of the employees ran past me and as I was walking out, I noticed other employees looking very concerned toward the pool area.

As it turns out, one of the patrons had drowned. He was laying by the whirlpool with a group of employees trying to recucitate him, and several other patrons still in the pool and whirlpool kind of looking on. They whipped out the defibrillator as I was leaving and ran it over to the pool. The ambulance came and everything, cause they were also calling 911 as I was leaving.

It was scary and intense and it reminded me of the time this summer when I saw that guy who had been hit by a van and was on the ground with a head injury, people holding him down so he wouldn’t injury himself further. And I teared up in my car for a hot second.

I really hope the guy at the gym didn’t die. It’s things like this that really remind me how precious life is and how easily it can be taken away. Sometimes you just have to step back and realize WOW, I’m alive. You know?

Nettles, Elderflowers, Russia.

So I’ve been to the gym twice since I signed up on Friday, and I must say that I really enjoy being able to swim real laps. I don’t really enjoy having to share a lane sometimes, but that’s not a big issue. However, this reminds me: when I first got in the pool today, I shared a lane with a mother-daughter duo who had THE WORST B.O. ever. They weren’t swimming, just standing in the middle talking. And everytime I’d pass them above water, I wondered to myself it it was them or the arena that smelled so bad. It was them. The smell even lingered after they left. That’s how nasty it was.

I also ran into my ex-friend’s mom and she pulled me into the sauna where we talked about her daughter (my ex-friend) and her poor life choices, while I sat there not entirely sure if was sweating or just wet from the pool. Probably a mixture of both. It was nice to see her mom. I love that woman – she’s so interesting. She’s held so many jobs in her life, the wildest and more interesting of which IMO, was SHRIMP SNIFFING. Yup, you read that right. SHRIMP. SNIFFING. She sniffed shrimp to make sure they were fresh. I told her she could’ve been a wet nose.

I also ordered nettle shampoo and burdock oil with nettle for my hair. After talking to my mom about my hair shedding, she suggested I try nettle tea. She told me she used to use nettle shampoo in Romania and it made her hair really bouncy and soft and healthy, so I looked it up and found several brands on Amazon and ordered one from Russia. Amazon also suggested the burdock oil with nettle in it afterward, and after consulting my mom, I ordered that too – also from Russia. She reckons it’s probably gonna be really damn good.

Burdock oil with nettle oil I ordered for my hair.

I’m pretty excited actually. I always get really excited about new shampoo/body wash/other related bath essentials. I don’t know why. Like when I get new lotion, even though I’ll still have lotion left in my old lotion, I get really impatient and start to use the new stuff.

Side note, the photo I have above is from this website, of which I’ve spent the last half hour browsing and found elderflowers on and planned on buying some but apparently I have to have at least $30 of stuff in my cart in order to place an order. SIGH. All I want is some damn elderflowers!

The Devil Wears Prada

I had a pretty decent day today, despite some new security guy at work who turned out to be kind of a doucher. I went to the gym and exercised in the pool for about an hour. It was wonderful.

And now I’m watching The Devil Wears Prada. I love this movie. I know it’s based on real life, but I’m pretty sure it pretty accurately portrays Anna Wintour who is the Vogue editor-in-chief. And I’m also pretty sure she’d make me cry if I ever had to encounter her.

One of my favorite parts of this movie is toward the beginning when Anna Hathaway’s character gets yelled at by Miranda (Meryl Streep) and then she goes and cries to Nigel (Stanley Tucci) who then makes her over and I’m like YES! THIS IS WHAT FASHION IS ABOUT. Looking your absolute best.

Also, one of my teachers totally worked on this movie as part of the costume department.