Sunday Mornin’

Okay, upon taking a practice drive (this time I drove) to Detroit again, I think I’ll be okay getting there tomorrow. It’ll be heavier traffic so I’ll have to be more careful, but it should be fine. Hopefully.

Anyway, I’m like far too excited about the Once Upon A Time and Downton Abbey premieres tonight. I’ve been watching One Tree Hill for the past 45 minutes. Thankfully it’s an episode from whatever the last season that Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton were on, so I’m not being spoiled cause I haven’t see anything past that. I plan on watching all the seasons from the beginning on Netflix when I have the time, which will probably be in March after I’m done with school.

Speaking of which:
1. I’m rather depressed that tomorrow = back to school.
2. I’m also happy that tomorrow = back to school because ONLY 10 MORE WEEKS, SHIT SON!
3. I’m pretty excited to have Ethics class this term. I really hope it’s gonna be a good class.

Also, my mom bought like 5 bags of Lindt chocolates and I’ve kind of been pigging out on them and I know I’m going to have to work out extra hard in the coming weeks cause I’ve gained like 3 lbs back this break due to holiday eating. At least it’s not like 10 lbs. 3 lbs is doable.

Lastly, back to One Tree Hill – THIS SHOW NEVER CEASES TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ME CRY. 

Oh, and P.S. Today’s sketch:

P.P.S. On my way to work I was listening to the radio and thinking it would be fitting if Maroon 5’s Sunday Morning were played. AND 5 MINUTES LATER, IT CAME ON. Morning = made.

Everything is Stressful

Day 26.

Today I’m grateful that there’s only 4 weeks left of this term.

Because everything is stressful and there’s too much to do and too little time to do it and it’s fucking week 7 and I’m still undecided about whether my portfolio is going to be just my photography or what.

I’ve made preliminary pages that showcase my illustration skills. I feel like I’d be like a “fraud” or something if I walk into my interview and present just my photography. Like, I’ve just spent the past 3 years learning and honing skills in fashion design, you know? I mean…I’ve also spent the last 3 years doing that with photography, but I didn’t pay like $65,000 to do that.

Sigh. I just want everything to be over with and I want to lay around and drink and sleep all day for like at least a month straight until I get bored out of my mind.

I’m also stressing out about internships because everyone keeps asking me about where I’m going to go and how I’m going to be able to do out-of-state and what happens if I don’t get any of the out-of-state ones and blah blah blah and I’m just like please leave me alone to think about all of this myself.

Policy of Truth

This term I have portfolio class. Currently, our assignment is to develop/finalize our logo design. I’m having kind of a hard time with this for some reason. I know that I want to have a clean and simple design. But I can’t decide if my signature and my name in Caviar Dreams is enough.

I mean, ultimately, it’s my design and my taste and adoration of it that counts. But I plan on building a brand. Sometimes I look at my signature and wonder whether one day it will be recognized around the world. Is it powerful enough to have mental staying power? Because that’s crucial.

Also, since the last presidential debates have taken place during the 30 day challenge, and I was too lazy and tired and overworked to properly comment on them, I will comment on at least this last one by saying this:

There. is. no. such. thing. as. clean. coal. or. renewable. oil. And it fundamentally bothers me that Mitt Romney continues to say that one of the things he’ll do if he gets elected is basically eliminate funding for green energy research. I will phrase my outrage by saying WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I find that to be incredibly backwards thinking. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to live in a 20th century mindset run country. This is 20fucking12, guys. If you don’t invest in green energy research now, THEN WHEN? Oil and related products are scarce. Wind and solar energies are not. Where is the disconnect here?

Also, Romney has been incredibly notorious during these debates for plain out lying. Just tonight alone, in the first 15 minutes, he mentioned that he thinks killing Al-Qaeda members isn’t the way to solve the problem. THEN, just minutes later, he said that he has a plan for getting rid of Al-Qaeda and that it involves finding the perpetrators and killing them one by one. LOLOLOL WTF WTF. DOES THIS MAN HEAR WHAT COMES OUT OF HIS OWN MOUTH!? 

And the most terrifying part of it all is that people believe what he says. His vague as fuck answers are sufficient for them! And I bet a good chunk of those people only like him cause he’s fucking white. And that disgusts me. All I’m sayin’ is that I care about my vagina and the personal choices involving it, green energy, and another four years of continuing to remedy the pile of utter bull shit Bush left behind.

P.S. I’ve been obsessed with Depeche Mode’s Policy of Truth lately.

I Like to Scare Myself Sometimes

Sometimes I watch movies like Valentino: The Last Emperor and Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton and I’m like…goddamnit. Why did I choose such a competitive profession to be in?

Today I watched Seamless, a movie that chronicled the journeys of (mainly) 3 designers in the CFDA’s first ever Vogue Fashion Fund competition in 2004. They focused in on Proenza Schouler (who won, by the way) Doo Ri and Cloak by Alexandre Plohkov.

Proenza Schouler duo Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough

Anyway, watching movies like this that really get up and personal with fashion designers scares me. They really put the whole thing into perspective – especially Seamless. It wasn’t all too in-depth, as some other movies I’ve seen have been. But one of the parts that really stuck out to me were the interviews the designers had with the judges, in which they were asked about profitability, overhead, volume, and all that other stuff that I know I should probably learn to concern myself with, but I honestly don’t want to. I can’t tell if it’s the terminology that scares me, or the reality of having to probably actually know all of it.

Not only that, but the winners, Proenza Schouler, were 25 and 26 at the time that they won this award. Not to mention, their senior design thesis was bought by Barney’s and sold in stores. Let me type that one more time for everyone: THEIR SENIOR DESIGN THESIS WAS BOUGHT BY BARNEY’S AND SOLD IN STORES.

Shit like that makes me feel inferior and further confused about what exactly it is that I want to do with my fashion degree. First of all, let me say that I’m pretty sure Barney’s would never buy any collection that an IADT senior would make, because like…we just don’t produce those kinds of designers. Like even I’m not lofty enough to presume such high aspirations. I feel like people who go to Parsons (i.e. Proenza Schouler!) have a refined eye for design. Now, I will say that I believe I personally belong there, however. (Side note: short history as to why I’m still in Michigan – my mom convinced me to stay at home for college due to financial reasons.)

But the fact of the matter is that I do not go to Parsons and my senior design studio collection will not be bought by any major retailer. And it’s not that that scares me. What scares me is that there are people out there my age who are doing greater things than I am. While I’m admittedly envious of this, I also see the other viewpoint: I will also do great things. In my own time. I can feel it.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but I have a deeply ingrained feeling that I am destined for greatness. Cliche? Maybe. Lofty? Maybe. Determined? Absolutely. No one will ever be able to tear down that pedestal I’ve placed myself upon because I make what I want to happen, happen.

So while watching movies like Seamless scares me, they also mentally empower and prepare me for the road I’m walking down. And I think part of the reason I watch them is because I enjoy scaring myself like that. I enjoy preparing myself for success, even if it means I get a little flustered in the process. What is life without adventure and risk, anyway?