Omg, I’m A College Graduate, What?

How I feel emotionally right now:

To add injury to insult, it feels like my wounds have been licked by a salted cat’s tongue. But I’ll get through it. Because I’m accustomed to picking up the pieces and  powering on. I’m surprised I’m taking this as well as I am though. I guess I realize that it’s really not my loss and I’m better off. Back to square one it is.

But the highlight of today outshines this laceration in every way. 

Anyway. So I’m like officially done with college now. It’s kind of blowing my mind. I got really drunk last night at bowling and the bar after. And then, of course, I left evidence in written form on the internet because that’s what drunk me loves to do. But I had a lot of fun and I was happy more than like five people showed up to the event.

I’m kind of confused as to what to do with my life, though. I mean, not like obscenely confused, but I just finished over a decade straight of school and now I’m expected to enter “the real world” or something? I know what I’m going to be doing first: cleaning. And making lists of things I need to get done, like starting to make things to sell. And more photography. And many more Vivography posts. And catching up on tv and movies. And refining my Adobe skills.

Good lord, I have life to catch up on. I will start by watching the last two Once Upon A Time episodes I missed.


On Business Plans and “Love”


But I’m not done with presentation about my business plan. In fact, right now, I’m supposed to be working on it, but I’m so burned out and emotionally….burdened, that I really need to just vent everything and take a mental break from this shit.

Last night I stayed up until about 1:30 writing about 95% of my business plan. Actually, there wasn’t much writing involved, as I discovered that I had actually (to my surprise) written the majority of it over the last few weeks. But putting it all into a new document really helped me focus and hone my energy into perfecting it to the best of my ability. We’ll see how I actually score on it. There is so much repetition in that thing, omg…

Also, IDK what the fuck is going on in my “love life”. Like, does it exist? I’m still really confused about this shit. I feel like the universe is once again dangling some carrot in front of me, allowing me to nibble on it, and then SNATCHING IT AWAY FROM ME. I’m unsure if this is partly self-inflicted, though I think it might be.

I have a tendency to overthink everything. That’s just my nature. I come to conclusions that I ought not to come to based on observations and assumptions from people’s body language, the things they say (the inflections they say them with) and how they act around or toward me.

Recently, there was a surge in my “love life”. I’m not sure if I should talk about it in past tense or present tense, actually. I feel like it’s dipped down and I have no idea if it will rise again. But upon further self-reflection and analysis, I find this interesting. I feel like we have this idea in our heads about what love should be like. It’s fed to us by movies, tv shows, music, stories, etc. I count myself among the people who hold these ideas on a pedestal in their mind. I know it’s not a good thing to do. But as someone who has never experienced requited love, these stories are like the bread to my hunger.

And so, when real life throws the intricacies of actual “love” (in all its forms and elements) my way, I find myself confused, unsure if it’s actually happening, over-analyzing every aspect of the situation, and losing about 5 pounds in one week (of water weight, most likely) due to all those hormones raging through my body.

I’m like an overexcited puppy when that kind of attention is thrown my way. I know I need to work on that – and I am! I’m starting to get better. But I also feel its in my nature to be like that. I can’t help it. It’s disgusting.

I dunno. I’m just in emotional turmoil right now, wondering if the sudden halt in the surge is due to me being weird/awkward/overexcited, or whether it’s to do with forces/situations outside of my control that have nothing to do with me. I’d like some answers, honestly, cause I’m driving myself crazy coming up with fallacies. I’m going with the flow as best as I can though. I’m letting whatever might be growing to grow as organically as possible.



Uuuuugh I am 110% with this business plan!

And by that I don’t mean I have finished it. I mean I don’t even want to think about it ever again.

At least my nails look cute.

I guess I should mention it’s not the whole verbal part of it that I hate. It’s the financial math and shit. Literally, literally, makes my body ache when I look at examples. IDK what the fuck any of that shit means.

Let me also add that this class, which is centered around writing a business plan, did not teach me how to write a business plan. Okay? Okay.


Fuck Group Projects.

I had the intention tonight of reading and writing up my portion for my group project for Ethics. I opened my book about 2 minutes ago, looked at my section and thought FUCK THIS.

There’s still time to do this shit tonight, but my motivation for anything to do with this class is so phenomenally low, I can’t even describe how much I don’t want to do anything for this class. Like ever. I know I need to do this shit asap though cause I still have to finish my business plan. I actually wrote a significant amount for that yesterday, I was proud.

Today I bought a chain for my amethyst and gold pendant!

I got compliments from a few customers about it today, so that was nice. I made zero sales though. Oh well.

I guess I should go read this ethics shit…uuuugh.


12 Things I Did Instead of My Business Plan

1. Went to the gym.

2. Showered.

3. Ate…a lot.

4. Surfed the internet.

5. Did 2 loads of laundry.

6. Edited pictures.

7. Updated Vivography with said pictures.

8. Went shopping with my mom.

9. Bought these 5.5 inch G by Guess pumps for only $27 (!!!!!) at Macy’s.

10. Took pictures wearing said pumps.

11. Found out I’m 5’10 and a half in them.

12. Wrote this post.


Sunday Mornin’

Okay, upon taking a practice drive (this time I drove) to Detroit again, I think I’ll be okay getting there tomorrow. It’ll be heavier traffic so I’ll have to be more careful, but it should be fine. Hopefully.

Anyway, I’m like far too excited about the Once Upon A Time and Downton Abbey premieres tonight. I’ve been watching One Tree Hill for the past 45 minutes. Thankfully it’s an episode from whatever the last season that Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton were on, so I’m not being spoiled cause I haven’t see anything past that. I plan on watching all the seasons from the beginning on Netflix when I have the time, which will probably be in March after I’m done with school.

Speaking of which:
1. I’m rather depressed that tomorrow = back to school.
2. I’m also happy that tomorrow = back to school because ONLY 10 MORE WEEKS, SHIT SON!
3. I’m pretty excited to have Ethics class this term. I really hope it’s gonna be a good class.

Also, my mom bought like 5 bags of Lindt chocolates and I’ve kind of been pigging out on them and I know I’m going to have to work out extra hard in the coming weeks cause I’ve gained like 3 lbs back this break due to holiday eating. At least it’s not like 10 lbs. 3 lbs is doable.


Oh, and P.S. Today’s sketch:

P.P.S. On my way to work I was listening to the radio and thinking it would be fitting if Maroon 5’s Sunday Morning were played. AND 5 MINUTES LATER, IT CAME ON. Morning = made.


Everything is Stressful

Day 26.

Today I’m grateful that there’s only 4 weeks left of this term.

Because everything is stressful and there’s too much to do and too little time to do it and it’s fucking week 7 and I’m still undecided about whether my portfolio is going to be just my photography or what.

I’ve made preliminary pages that showcase my illustration skills. I feel like I’d be like a “fraud” or something if I walk into my interview and present just my photography. Like, I’ve just spent the past 3 years learning and honing skills in fashion design, you know? I mean…I’ve also spent the last 3 years doing that with photography, but I didn’t pay like $65,000 to do that.

Sigh. I just want everything to be over with and I want to lay around and drink and sleep all day for like at least a month straight until I get bored out of my mind.

I’m also stressing out about internships because everyone keeps asking me about where I’m going to go and how I’m going to be able to do out-of-state and what happens if I don’t get any of the out-of-state ones and blah blah blah and I’m just like please leave me alone to think about all of this myself.