We’re Gonna Talk About Miley Cyrus’s VMA Performance

Before I start this post, I just want to say that I have 2 posts planned, WITH HANDWRITTEN NOTES I TOOK JUST FOR THE PURPOSE OF WRITING THEM WITH ALL MY THOUGHTS IN ORDER that I’m skipping in lieu of writing about the most currently pressing issue on the internet as of last night: Miley Cyrus and the 2013 VMAs.

Yeah. So let’s talk about that, shall we?

First, I would like to say that every year at the VMAs, there is always at least one moment in which I feel secondhand embarrassment due to someone saying or doing something stupid. This year’s was this moment right here:

While everyone has been going on and on about Miley during this moment, I would just like to point out that Robin Thicke’s LEG IS TWITCHING . And that makes this whole scene even more awkward and hilarious.

I would also like to point out that the stupid pink bears that everyone keeps saying look “bored” or “unenthused” ARE JUST FUCKING HIGH. THAT’S WHY THEIR FACES LOOK LIKE THAT. HELLO, INTERNET FULL OF STONERS. How hasn’t anyone else caught on to that?

Rick Diamond, Getty Images

Overall, I found this performance to be surpassing the realm of “trying too hard” and going beyond that. If Miley was trying to do something that was going to be talked about for a while, she succeeded. She also succeeded and some of the best reactions from the audience ever. I can’t get over Rihanna’s “bitch….you didn’t” face or Jaden Smith’s “WHAT ARE MY EYES SEEING!?” look of terror.  Although upon searching the picture of the Smiths, apparently their appalled faces were for Lady Gaga and not Miley.

Lastly, I wish she would’ve put that tongue away because it was literally out all night and it was giving me sentient nightmares.

And now that I’ve discussed Miley, I’d just like to say that I was TOTALLY EXCITED to see Iggy Azalea on national television in all her gorgeous Aussie glory and was saddened that she didn’t win the award for up and coming.

Iggy and Rita Ora

I also basically pissed my pantaloons when THERE WAS REALLY AN NSYNC REUNION even if it was only for 118 seconds. I had to suppress a real scream and let out a barely breathing squeal of excitement.

Also, let us not leave tonight without mentioning Gaga’s ass. I don’t know why, but I really approve of her wearing nothing but a couple of clamshells and a g-string the rest of the night after her performance. I also appreciate the fact that she mooned everyone at least once during the performance in that ensemble. Yo go Gaga, you put that fabulously toned ass on display!

Lastly, Taylor Swift was such a fucking bitch that it just gave me more reason to passionately dislike her and her shitty “music”. This is a gif from when One Direction accepted their award.

Her acceptance speech really annoyed me, mostly due to the fact that she said “I also want to the thank the person who inspired this song who knows exactly who he is because now I got one of these.” Apparently this is about Harry Styles, although I personally think the guy in the video looks like Jared Leto.

And that’s about all that matters.

Oh, and this.

Sorry not sorry.

Drunk Sex FEELING.

I woke up this morning thinking I had slept until 3 PM, only to find out it was about 7 in the morning and my brother had made too much noise getting ready for school. And then I passed out for two more hours, upon which I literally bolted out of bed, far too excited to go to Meijer and pick up groceries.

I decided to go and check out the Salvation Army a few roads down from Meijer afterwards. On my way there, I witnessed a van-bicycle accident in which someone in a van had hit an old man who had been riding his bicycle (I didn’t see it happen, just the aftermath) and there were lots of people gawking and someone was telling the man not to move as they were holding his head in position (I got close enough with my car to see his face and all) because he had a head injury. After I passed the scene I started hyperventilating and crying and mentally praying for the guy, all the way to the Salvation Army parking lot.

When I got to Salvation Army, which is in a church, I was confused as to where the entrance was. There were probably like 8 different doors. I met this slightly older than middle aged lady who told me to go through a specific door and asked if I was looking for counseling or anything like that, and I said no, I was just curious about the place, I hadn’t been there before. She mentioned there were all kinds of services and a chapel and social workers and someone would be able to help me when I got inside and show me around. I ended up turning back and she caught me and asked if I was just too shy to go in and I WAS THE WORLD LIAR IN THE WORLD and said no, I had somewhere else to be. I mean literally, that was the best lie I could come up with. If you’re wondering why I lied it’s because I was under the impression that this Salvation Army was a thrift store, BUT I’M PRETTY SURE IT WASN’T A THRIFT STORE AT ALL so I left in shame.

I also went for the first swim of the summer today! It was quite pleasant. And I got my hair cut. One of my favorite things about hair cuts are not only the fact that your hair is getting “fixed” but the end result after styling always looks fabulous. I look like a damn movie star right now. My hair is all wavy and bouncy and light. I wish I had a personal hair stylist who could do my hair for me every day. That’d be the life.

Lastly, I just want to brood some more on my continuous lack of any “legitimately” reciprocated love interests. Sometimes I get so impatient and I just want to scream at the universe WHEN IS IT MY TURN!? It’s never been my turn. Sigh. Where are you Charming?

P.S. Remember when I asked WTF is “drunk sex spinning“? Turns out the site I got those lyrics from for Rita Ora’s How We Do was WRONG and I was right. She’s saying “drunk sex feelingWHICH MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE.I get that drunk sex feelin’ yeah when I’m with you; so put your arms around me baby” Um, yes please.

WTF Is Drunk Sex Spinning?

Today has been a rather stupendous day in terms of how days go. Not only did I put my new transparent Copco coffee tumbler to use, but more importantly and excitingly, I went on the all-field-study school field trip to the Raleigh Michigan Film Studios in Pontiac and it was rather wonderful.

While there, I was reminded (rather than told for the first time, once I think about it) that the new Oz: The Great and Powerful movie starring Mila Kunis and James Franco was filmed at Raleigh first by the awesome framed piece of the yellow brick road, and secondly by our tour guide mentioning it many times.

Yeah, I totally took a picture with it.

I didn’t take photos of anything else while there, but the space is GINORMOUS and the stages are phenomenally large and brand new and built by thousands of Michiganians. Which brings me to the embarrassment that is our governor, Rick Snyder. 

As we were reminded in the end of tour chat, Rick Snyder basically put a stop to the WONDERFUL bill that former Governor Granholm put into action that brought bajillions of dollars and jobs and opportunities to the state through the film industry. Which makes absolutely ZERO sense given the fact that before he was Governor, the man was a goddamn BUSINESSMAN.

Anyone who’s got their business mind in the right place should know better than to a stop goddamn bill that brings money to their state. Like wha – HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE!? Hollywood was just starting to rustle the leaves of this state – who thinks that it’s a good idea to stop that in such an economy!? Goddamn Republican idiot.

On the bright side, HNI was in my tour group and  we kind of walked together the whole time. Or maybe I just followed him the whole time, I’m not sure. Probably a little bit of both.

Lastly, and completely unrelated to anything written above, I want you all to know that 1. Rita Ora is a wonderfully lovely and attractive lady 2. She was brought to my attention several months ago on Tumblr and I was like DAYUM and 3. I’m in love with her song How We Do.

I give that drunk sex spinning yeaaaah when I’m with youuu so put your arms around me babaayy…