Gappy Crotch Legs

While perusing AOL articles earlier, I came upon this one, entitled Victoria’s Secret Photoshop Fails Carves Out Model’s Inner Thighs and had to go check it out. I’m a huge fan of “I Spy Photoshop” in professional photos, and especially in magazine ads and related media. (HNI taught me the ways.) Victoria’s Secret is probably one of the biggest and best culprits, as they do it constantly. Sometimes if I’m bored enough, I’ll purposely go on their website not to shop (surprise!) but to find the obvious Photoshopping.

Anyway, this particular article stuck out to me because of the thigh gappage. One of my favorite things to look for is untouching thighs. I don’t know when the last time was that you all looked at normal, average people, but let me tell you a secret: THE AVERAGE PERSON’S THIGHS TOUCH!

*GASP*

I know. It’s a fucking shocker, but it’s true. I’m not saying there aren’t people out there with thighs that don’t touch, because I know there are. I have seen them with my own eyes, and I have friends who are fortunately skinny enough to not understand the terrible things that come along with chub rub – including and not limited to the burning from hell when walking around Chicago for 12 hours in 95 degree weather and your thighs are touching the entire time, as well as pant/jean decay ONLY IN THAT SPOT.

Unless you’re sickly, no one’s leg looks like that. Especially not if you’re like 6 feet tall.

However, these nontouching thigh people are few and far between. The media, and especially stores like Victoria’s Secret and the like, seem to relish in the idea that women’s thighs should not touch. While I admit that I look at these photos and think to myself “DAMN I WISH MY LEGS DIDN’T RUB AGAINST EACH OTHER” I’m also smart enough to know that that shit ain’t real and unless I become anorexic (because for my height, I’d have to be anorexic for my legs not to touch) I will never have these wonderfully Photoshopped gappy crotch legs.

Isn’t it funny how she has REAL PEOPLE SIZED THIGHS on the left, but although she is standing just a little bit apart on the right, her thighs suddenly shrink 25% and she’s got the biggest crotch gap you’ve ever seen?

And if I analyze this further, obviously what they’re trying to tell us all is that beauty = unnatural crotch gappage. They are subtlety (for the most part) ingraining in our minds that that should be normal. That the eye of the beholder must view thigh gappage as beautiful.

Has it worked? I think the answer is probably yes, for the most part. They sure got me thinking I wish I had some thigh gappage. But then again, I don’t want to look like a weird bowlegged creature that aught to be fried in a pan and slathered in garlic sauce. Ya know?

This bitch has like, frog legs. I want to fry her legs up in a pan Chinese style.

My Hair Is So Poofy Right Now.

Holy canolies guys! Let me start off by saying that I must’ve been off in LaLaland yesterday cause I completely forgot about posting here. Just before I fell asleep, I jumped out of bed because I realized I hadn’t posted and made a quick mobile post as seen below. O_O That said, let’s move on to the weather. Yes, the WEATHER.

I have never in my entire life experienced a Spring as hot as this. Today we had a high of 73 degrees. In March. In Michigan. And as I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before, the winter we had this year could barely be called a winter. It snowed a few times and it never stuck. It didn’t get higher than maybe like 5 inches. In my opinion, it was the most goddamn glorious winter ever. Except a White Christmas would’ve been nice, not gonna lie. Back to Spring though – the projected weather for the next 5-8 days is all in the upper 60s, lower 70s. My phone project 76 on Sunday which sounds wild and fantastic and knowing Michigan’s crazy weather, I won’t disregard as a possibility. This is the best fucking start to Spring I’ve ever seen and I want to cry I’m so happy.

Speaking of happiness, the latter half of today was elating. (I can feel you squirming already, J1B). I got the wonderful privilege to enjoy the company of HNI for enough time that it made up for not seeing him in far too long. And he now follows this blog so uh…hello! O_O O_O >_> And this is the part where I have verbal blockage about what to say next, so all I will say is that this amazing weather and certain good conversations contributed to my being able to endure the full Zumba Cardio Party DVD all the way through with flying colors. Goes to show you serotonin in the brain makes you feel better in all aspects of life!

I’m pretty sure there were other things I wanted to talk about, but I don’t remember them. However, I did want to share this yesterday before I forgot I had to blog here. I tried out a photo-manipulation tutorial on a picture of my eye. Here’s the result I got. I’m personally kind of in love with it.

Oh look, you can see me in the eye.

P.S. Go listen to Calabria by Enur right now. It makes me dance everytime I hear it.

P.P.S. I remember what else I wanted to say. It’s trivial but still – tonight I decided I’m gonna rock my au naturale hair cause I was just too damn lazy to bother with straightening for curling my hair tonight. I mean lemme tell you. It was 9:35 by the time I finished blow drying it and I was like alright…fuck it. Too much work, too many things to do. I just hope it stays fabulous by tomorrow morning. I might have to blowdry in the morning to get more poof out of it. We shall see.

Laptop, You Douchecanoe!

I have a major problem in the form of Photoshop right now. I’ve got my flash drive and tabby tabs plugged in, my fashion design sketches ready and up – HOWEVER, the cream color that I used on one of my skirts at school is BARELY noticeable on my laptop and that’s a problem. I want to work on this shit so I can get it done, but like…FUCK man. I don’t want to do this shit over again. I can feel my eyeballs crying “please no!” already.  I don’t know what to do here. I need to crank this shit out. *sigh*

Anyway, today HNI came up to visit the library which was quite nice. Minus the few minutes that A.Bot got up in there and said things about pants and I was like >_> keep a muzzle on it! She also said something about photoshopping me into a bird and him into a llama and then I could be riding the llama and I just froze in SUPER AWKWARDNESS and mortification with this face: O_O But other than that, at least he seemed extra smiley today. That’s a good sign, right!? *sigh* This blog isn’t titled The Paranoid Delusions of a Narcissist for no reason, guys. Let’s just hope it’s not in vain, YA KNOW?

I got nothing else tonight. I’m still frustrated about the Photoshop dilemma. Rah!

Meet My Twin, Veronica.

It’s funny how quickly money can slip through your fingers. I just dropped about $1 short of $100 today on shoes, a purse, holistic medicine, and some intense body lotion. I’m never gonna go on that cruise if I keep buying shit. BUT IT’S ESSENTIAL. I haven’t been that bad lately though, so it’s okay. Besides, HOW CAN I GIVE UP A $44 LUCKY PURSE WITH THE CAPACITY TO HOLD 2 TWIN NEWBORNS STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER!? OR $70 SHOES MARKED DOWN TO $15!?

But shopping is the latter half of my day, followed by Haberman’s homework for Mini Boss’s class. The former part of my day was quite fantastical and rather eventful. I would say the fun began with the arrival of HNI and the hour or so we spent Photoshopping my face. Or he did, cause all I did was complain about his methods of zooming in and out (haha). I compiled a before and after – although the compilation shows the raw image. We worked with the pre-brightened and saturated image I had already adjusted a few months ago.

This is my twin, Veronica.

Also, this video was posted twice in the past 2 days, the second time on the comments to the above pictures. It’s rather brilliant:

He came back up later in the day and helped Job 1 Boss and me out with a sign we were making and gave us the idea to make QR codes. So we totally made a QR code and posted 2 signs on the doors. It was pretty exciting, but I don’t think anyone was as excited as J1Boss.

Deals So Good, It’s Like Stealing.

I’ve just spent the last hour or so downloading and testing out Photoshop actions because I’ve finally found out how to extract RAR files. Now I just gotta figure out ATN files, hahaha. Anyway, whilst testing said actions out, I ended up liking how this picture of some soap suds came out. Check it:

Photography aside, today I was on a mission: I went back to Somerset Collection for that Madewell floor-length pleated dress I posted about on Monday. Luckily, they still had my size so I just grabbed it and went to the counter and asked about their student discount. I got it, and the total ended up being $25!!! When I got home, I checked my receipt and the tag on the skirt and saw that it had been further marked down to $39.99 from $59.99, plus 30% off plus 15% off student discount – UH CAN YOU SAY SAVINGS!?!!? I am still super super pumped.

I also dropped by Banana Republic, Lucky Brand Store, and GAP. Funnily, I ended up buying sweaters and tops that are in the same color palette as the skirt, so I accidentally built a small wardrobe around it. I got a sweater, cardigan and fancy t-shirt at GAP for $27. At Banana Republic, I got a silk tank top and a crocheted tank top for $16, and at Lucky I got 2 necklaces for $20. I feel like a total fashionista who got a lot of great stuff for really awesome prices today. *High 5 self*

And now, it’s time to eat cheesecake!