I have a philosophy on life that goes like this: to acknowledge is to ignite the fire that yearns to burn.
I often try to remind myself of this, in various phrasings, as a mantra to help me stay positive. Sometimes I slip, like any human does. Getting back to work this weekend has been one of those times. The longer I work in retail, the more I find myself beginning to dislike, to hate, to loathe people. I find myself spilling out negative energy, and it’s like I can actually feel it pouring out of me. Like it’s some kind of sentient cloud surrounding my body. And I hate it.
And I hate that I let myself absorb the negative energy from people. And I hate that I dwell on it. And I hate that it consumes me.
Today my horoscope suggested I start meditating as a way to center myself. I’ve actually considered doing that for a long time, so it was kind of a nice prod in the back. The last time I seriously meditated was pretty wonderful and I felt much better after doing it. I remember being in a sort of trance, like when I’ve been under hypnosis, and not being entirely sure if I was in a trance or not.
The only way forward is to think positively, to smile through the pain, to push out the negativity. To pull it off my body like spiderwebs clinging to every inch of me. I refuse to be pulled down by other people’s energies! I am not fit to harbor negativity.
Sometimes I feel like I’m an emotional outlet. People plug in to me all the time and drain my energy with their problems. I try not to let that happen often, but sometimes I’m just so spongey that I absorb it too well. It’s annoying and lame. Cause then I come home and I’m a bitch for no reason whatsoever. Listen people, negative energy only festers. It does not create anything more than more negative energy, and that is not something that I want to be carrying around. This is why I try to be a positive, happy person. Positivity conducts more positivity. Apparently, positivity isn’t a real word, but I’m making it a real word because it should be. MORAL OF THE STORY: BE FUCKING HAPPY. NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED FROM BEING HAPPY.
That said, I’m currently listening to Simple Plan’s self-titled 3rd album, and it reminds me of my senior year of high school. I miss high school. I miss seeing my then friends every day and I miss blow off classes and choir and lunch. College is lame in that department – all the cool kids are graduating after this term is over. An old friend of mine once said that she hated starting high school and college and then the real world because it was like starting over every time, and she’s kind of right. It’s not always nice to start over. But in the end, it’s all a part of life, isn’t it? Old things must die for new growth to spring up. Circle of life.
And now for a brightness to my rather depressing post so far:
Ellen is hilarious. And this picture is doubly hilarious. Enjoy.