I just spent the last 10 minutes or so crying about a DAYDREAM. The Glee season finale (which I will discuss shortly) peppered me up, but I had a good little cry session in the mirror (I know, this just sounds all kinds of odd) and now I feel better. What threw me over the edge was imagining my future daughter (if I were to ever have such a thing) telling me she had an imaginary friend named Lena and I immediately knew it was my great-grandmother. And I just started bawling. I am of the nature to believe in such things, and I wonder if even though I imagined this, it was her way of saying hello from the other side tonight. She passed away about 13 years ago and I don’t often think about her, but I have a strong feeling she poked my brain. WHAT IF IT WAS A PREMONITION THOUGH!? Oh my god, children…that I popped out… I’m not entirely against having kids. I mean, don’t get me wrong, for the most part I am. They’re a huge responsibility among many, many other things.
But if the right person came along and really wanted to have kids with me, I might consider it…I could be swayed. BUT I NEVER SAID THAT. *COUGH*
So about that Glee finale! I missed it last week, and I actually, believe it or not, had time to watch it tonight! First of all, the music choices were pretty great. What got me though was the graduation ceremony. That was LITERALLY the most unrealistic graduation ceremony I have ever seen on television. They were called out of alphabetical order, they freaking CAME OUT THROUGH CURTAINS and there were about 35 graduating seniors on that stage. Their high school cannot be a multi-national sports champion high school with so little graduates – no way in flaming hell.
However, that particular scene jogged the reminiscence of my high school graduation and that’s when I started being on the verge of tears. I remember feeling nervous and excited as well as sad. I was extra nervous and excited because I was in choir my senior year (BEST FUCKING 6TH HOUR IN THE WORLD, BTW) and we performed at graduation. I wore my very high heeled Guess by Marciano wedges and happened to be on the top steps of the choral stairs. I had no trouble getting up there, but getting down was a different story. I personally think it was one of the most amusing parts of the whole ceremony and I look back on it with merriment. I got stuck on the top step (mostly due to fear of falling down and breaking my ankles or something of that nature) long after the rest of the choir had exited. I think about 2 or 3 of friends lagged behind to watch me struggle to get off the steps, and my fellow graduate friend Heather helped me down. I remember the audience laughing (me included) as our principal took to the microphone and I was still perched up there afraid of stepping down and slightly screaming for someone to help me down.
Anyway, after remembering my high school graduation, I imagined what my college graduation might be like. I determined that I will probably cry, a lot. And hug people. Like, a lot a lot. I’ll probably be so emotional I’ll say really awkward things to people (it’s inevitable, I did it at my HS graduation too; I still feel embarrassed by those memories) and probably do awkward and embarrassing things as well.And then I shall be thrust into the real world.
And I will cry and wish I was a stupid teenager again with next to nothing responsibility, zero loan payment bills, and “real” summer vacations where I could stay up until 4 AM talking to friends on messenger chats and trolling the interwebz. Oh youth, where art thou gone?
ETA: WHY IS MY BLOG FUCKING UP THE LOOK OF THE TEXT TONIGHT. WHAT IS THIS SHIT.