What I’ve Learned from Using Tinder for the Past 24 Hours

I’ve been toying around with signing up for a dating website for the past year or so. Monday night, I was inspired to browse the Google Play options for dating apps, and ended up downloading Tinder, just for funsies. I even got Betsy to join with me. We’ve both been playing around with it for the past 24 hours, and it has dominated our ongoing conversation – from telling each other weird names we come across, to admitting how awkward it is when you actually match with someone and messages are exchanged.

The way Tinder works is kinda neat. It gives you tiles of people one at a time, and you can swipe left for no and swipe right for yes. Each person also has a profile, and you can hit the info button to find out more about them, see more pictures, see if you have any Facebook friends in common and what interests you have in common. And thank god for that info button, but it has definitely helped in making affirmative decisions.

I think I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I find attractive in the past 24 hours. This is definitely a vain way of meeting people, but you’re lying if you say you don’t judge people by their appearance first. That said, here’s a list of things I find amusing/big turn offs/wtf are you doing with your life/why would you put that out there?

– If you have “gym enthusiast” or anything related to that in your profile, I probably think you’re a douchebag who’s full of himself and how he looks and will left swipe you.
– Multiple pictures of yourself at the gym/flexing/half naked/doing some kind of sport? Probably think you’re a sporty douchebag and will left swipe you.
–¬†Guys who have multiple pictures with multiple people and you can’t tell which one is supposed to be them.
– Guys who have pictures of any number of girls beside them. ????????
– Guys who have pictures of themselves with kids. And then specify in their profiles that it’s their nephew/niece.
– Guys who give off a general douche vibe.
– Guys who look like they would be total assholes to me/generally make me feel uncomfortable about myself.
– Guys with multiple pictures of themselves with their bros, especially at frat parties/gym sessions. Take your beer and get out of here.
– Guys who have things like “Getting swol at the gym” and other such ridiculous shit in their profiles.
– Anything along the lines of “I’m a practicing Catholic” or other bible humping stuff in the profile.
– Pictures from multiple stages of your life where you look totally different. ?????????????????????
– Car selfies.
– Sunglasses. Especially in multiple pictures.
– Multiple pictures of far away shots in scenic landscapes doing stuff like skiing, surfing, marathoning, etc. Are you trying to showcase yourself or the land?
– Name dropping your frat in your profile. #reallydontgiveafuck
– Having any real life friends in common, especially those who I don’t really talk to/associate with, but I’m FB friends with them just because.
– Being contradictory in messages to what you say you’re looking for in your profile. #don’ttrustahoe
– Insufficient amount of pictures.
– Insufficient or no profile info.
– Bad grammar. (One guy had “manors” instead of “manners”)
– Advertisement of your Instragram/Snapchat/Kik info.
– Saying you’re a “country boy” in your profile. #whatthefuckdoesthatevenmean #thisismichiganforgodssake
– Guys who look like they would make for awkward/uncomfortable sexual partners.
– Smokers
– Multiple pictures holding drinks/beers + talking about your love of drinking/partying/clubbing. #douchebagalert
– Good looking to the point of looking intimidatingly good looking.
– Having 0 interests in common. I like over 2000 things on Facebook, how do you not like any of those things on Facebook as well?
– All the tall guys (6 ft and up) state their height and I think it’s because they know women wanna climb them like a tree.
– Pets in your pics = you’re clearly trying to score brownie points.
– “Not looking for a quick hookup, but it may interest you to know I’m incredibly hung.” WOOOOOW.
– “Looking for a cuddle buddy.” No, you’re looking for sex.
– If I know you in real life, I’m probably swiping left.
– Model-like pictures/bad quality pictures.
– Unkempt/out of control/sad beards.
– Bad conversationalist.

I’m pretty sure I could add so many more things, but I’m going to stop there for now. I should mention that despite all of those stipulations that make me swipe left, I’ve matched with quite a nice handful of guys and even talked to a few of them. There is hope. I added girls to the mix too just to see what pops up. Only 2 have popped up in the tiles so far.

If you’ve got Tinder stories, hit up my comments section, I wanna hear them.

An Interrupted Thought on the Influx of Men

I don’t know what it is these past 2 weeks, but I suddenly find myself in the midst of a downpour of MEN. Or perhaps a better description would be a sudden downpour of flirty advances.

Today as I left the library to go back to class for the last time, one of the new students – who I just met yesterday because he was playing music really loud and I went and told him he needed headphones – not only felt it necessary to talk to me the entire time that I happened to peruse books near him, and especially while I was putting my last book away, but as I was leaving he said “see you real soon” and this tone of voice that when I turned around my face was set in a perma-disgust-slightly-confused expression.

And I asked my friend Tina “Did I just get hit on?” and she said with a laugh “I think so!”.

And this is the part where I fall asleep at the keyboard for staying up all night Skyping and texting into the wee, wee hours of the morning. I don’t have enough energy to finish the rest of this post tonight.

A Shower of Men

Another month challenge gone and past and finished, and another month of adventures to recount.

To begin, let me say that in the past year, J1B has been a solid rock for me in all my love-life woes. She has continuously reminded me of the quote “when it rains, it pours” and I only half believed her. I mean honestly, me? I’m not the kind of girl men swoon over (unless they’re old, middle eastern, or old & African American in a TJ Maxx parking lot) much less give any of their attention to me.

However, within the past week, I have suddenly found myself drowning in a whirpool of attention by quite literally a handful of men. And I’ve had to stop and take a step back and really looking at the whole situation.

First let me say that while I am actually quite flattered by all of this, I’m still struggling with whether to entirely let myself be flattered, or also be insulted. If you’re asking why I would be insulted, let me remind you that I am currently on a weight loss journey. I know that a lot of this attention has to do with my weight loss. I know that none of these guys would’ve paid me any serious attention before when I was bigger, because guess what, they didn’t. But suddenly I’m starting to look attractive. Suddenly I put a new pictures up and everyone wants to stick their dick in my mouth. Suddenly I’m desirable because my face is thinner, my body’s smaller. What does this say about people?

That we are fundamentally attracted to the way people look, and secondarily attracted to their personality. But seriously, I still can’t entirely wrap my mind around this whole situation. I mean, me!? I have choices!? I’m being chased!? You guys have no idea how much I’ve asked for this kind of thing from God or whatever forces have you. And after all this time, it’s beginning to happen and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel totally unprepared for any of it. And I want to complain about that, but then I think to myself how incredibly ungrateful I sound when I finally get (some of) what I want and I complain about not being prepared for it.

So I guess I’m just gonna go with it and see where it takes me. I’ve got my eye on one person in particular right now. And it’s really fucking complicated and I can’t believe I’m in this particular situation. I hope it turns out for the better though. We shall see.