10 Lessons I Learned at My 22nd Birthday Bash

1. You know how you’re not supposed to mix beer and liquor? Yeah, there’s a reason for that.

2. Stop drinking at least 2 drinks before you feel really drunk. Does that make sense?

3. Don’t take consecutive shots.

4. Take your time drinking the alcohols.

5. Maybe aim for a garbage can instead of the border of the sidewalk when you finally vomit. No cops will come up to you and your friend and say “I can’t have her doing that there.”

6. Maybe try NOT to hug the stranger that looks like Jesus who just gave you a full bottle of water. He doesn’t really want to touch your vomity ass.

7. Never drink that much again.

8. You will suffer a 24 hour hangover and it will be extremely unpleasant and you will have to go in to work feeling like death.

9. No matter how many times you puke, and you think it’s the end, it’s not.

10. The entire bar will cheer for you when you puke on the sidewalk, though. +10 humor points for you.