Sometimes I find it ridiculous just how easily my moods can change. Or perhaps more importantly, how powerful thoughts are. Because assumptions are often (with me) negative thoughts that consume my mind and ultimately become these fallacies that I somehow talked myself into finding true, even though they’re more often than not far from the truth.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I find it sickening how easily I can make my mood swing simply by the thoughts I choose to think. I’ve often found that the thoughts I’ve chosen to think manifest themselves into the energy I put out and the energy I get back due to that.
Which only furthers my desire to constantly be in a positive state of mind. I fully realize and accept that negative thoughts and negativity in general is not conducive to anything – I tell people this all. the. time. It is hard advice to follow, however, and I understand that. This shit truly is a circle. Truly.
But I also understand that sometimes it is crucial to ride the way of negativity. Just not for too long. You gotta know when you have to hop off the surf board, or you’ll drown.
I am so unfocused it’s ridiculous how long it took for me to formulate this sentence. I just feel happy. And slightly annoyed at how easily distracted I am.
However, I had the focus to do this henna on my legs today. Kinda in love with it. I love tattoos right above the knees. If I ever got anything there for real, they would have to be something really good that I’d want to stare at for the rest of my life.
Okay seriously though. I’m ridiculously happy and I can barely contain it. It’s starting to form clouds of color in the back of my mouth. This is whole situation is blowing my mind right now. I can’t believe it’s happening. I keep questioning if it’s really happening. I think it’s really happening. I’ve cried a few times coming to that conclusion. I’ve waited so. fucking. long.
Sometimes I feel like I’m an emotional outlet. People plug in to me all the time and drain my energy with their problems. I try not to let that happen often, but sometimes I’m just so spongey that I absorb it too well. It’s annoying and lame. Cause then I come home and I’m a bitch for no reason whatsoever. Listen people, negative energy only festers. It does not create anything more than more negative energy, and that is not something that I want to be carrying around. This is why I try to be a positive, happy person. Positivity conducts more positivity. Apparently, positivity isn’t a real word, but I’m making it a real word because it should be. MORAL OF THE STORY: BE FUCKING HAPPY. NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED FROM BEING HAPPY.
That said, I’m currently listening to Simple Plan’s self-titled 3rd album, and it reminds me of my senior year of high school. I miss high school. I miss seeing my then friends every day and I miss blow off classes and choir and lunch. College is lame in that department – all the cool kids are graduating after this term is over. An old friend of mine once said that she hated starting high school and college and then the real world because it was like starting over every time, and she’s kind of right. It’s not always nice to start over. But in the end, it’s all a part of life, isn’t it? Old things must die for new growth to spring up. Circle of life.
And now for a brightness to my rather depressing post so far:
Ellen is hilarious. And this picture is doubly hilarious. Enjoy.
Hump day is happily concluding in a very fired up state. I have successfully allocated a new favorite song of the moment in Romanian musical group Hi-Q’s Buna Dimineata, and have danced a few extra calories off in repetitive playing of Maroon 5’s Moves Like Jagger by both me and my brother. In my underwear. Also, speaking of music, in Buna Dimineata, I am completely in love with the chorus lyrics, which go:
Buna dimineata te iubesc
Zi de zi de tine ma indragostesc
Buna dimineata iti soptesc
Cu fiecare zi tot mai mult te iubesc
Good morning I love you
From day to day with you I fall in love
Good morning I whisper to you
With every day I love you more
It starts off kind of weird with some vocalization, but it’s a rather beautiful song. YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IT EVEN IF YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY’RE SAYING.
I finally got my Blowfish Vance booties in the mail today and I am very happy. They’ve got 5 inch heels, so they make me 6’0″ tall! [I’m 5’7″…do the math] and they make me wish I was that tall normally.
Also, today Mini Boss, HotNerd Instructor and Angie and I were talking about things we’d do if we were rich [okay maybe it was just me and HNI] and I said that it’s been my life-long dream to have enough money someday to pay someone whose sole purpose would be to play with my hair. I mean how bloody amazing would that be? TOTALLY AMAZING. Anyway, Mini Boss was like “Oh my god Viviana, that’s really perverted. You sound like a pervert. That’s just really sexual.” And I was like are you serious right now? HNI and Angie and me all looked at her like she was crazy. We all agreed that she had taken it there – I simply meant that I like when people play with my hair. It’s not sexual or perverted, although it certainly can be, but in this context, I meant it non-sexually. Sometimes the things that come out of that woman’s mouth embarass me to know her. She can be rather crude, blunt, and condescending and it is unbecoming.
Lastly, the one thing that makes me feel beautiful in an instant is straightening my hair. I always feel like I look better in person and in pictures when it’s sleek and straight. Probably because it looks all prim and proper and like I take care of my appearance. At least in the face. The reason I bring this up is because when I was dancing in my underwear earlier, I’d just finished straightening my hair and it was flying all over the place from bouncing around the house and I just felt sexy. And confident. I hope everyone finds that kind of simple happiness some day.