I feel like I’m kind of at a crossroads in my life. Maybe. I think.
There are times when I don’t know what I want to do anymore. But the fire within me for being a fashion designer still burns, and I still feel the same about it: my ultimate goal is to make people happy through clothes.
However, I’m having a hard time finding a way into the industry and getting myself known and showing off my abilities. But I live in Michigan. And the metro Detroit area to boot. We are starters here. What we don’t have, we make. My problem is not so much the making of goods, but rather the providing of services. I don’t know where to begin to get my product out, besides like Etsy, where the competition is so thick, I get lost in the throng.
I need immediate turnover. I need people to see my stuff and say yes, I want this now. I want this today. Not add it to some wishlist or favorites group for a maybe later. This is the biggest challenge for me. Is getting a footing and establishing myself. But I guess before I do that I need to figure out exactly what my niche is going to be. I seem to really be drawn to making jewelry. And taking photos. I haven’t properly sketched clothes since college to be honest, and that’s a problem. I don’t enjoy the computer aided design aspect of it at all and I’ll be the first to admit to it. I loathe the Gerber program and while Illustrator flats can be okay to do sometimes, I generally find the practice tedious and annoying. I am not a technical designer by any stretch.
But I like coming up with concepts and ideas and little details. I like making color palettes and organizing things and looking at things from different angles to better understand them. Nonetheless, I still feel lost. I know what I’m good at, but I tend to forget and think of myself as not being good at anything worth while. And then it’s a whole whirlwind of “BUT HOW WILL I SUPPORT MYSELF IF I CAN’T DO X AND Y!?” It’s a tumultuous mental journey that I’ve been having far too often lately and I need to figure out a way to get out of it. Like, asap.
On the bright side, I have faith things will turn around. They always do. There is an ending to every journey, so new ones may begin. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, but I do know it will change. Everything always changes.
I should’ve turned off my computer half an hour ago, but I got distracted. I really need to be going to bed since I’ll be waking up BEFORE the crack of ass (dawn) for job #2, but I also remembered I have to write here. It’s the last day of Blogtober! Happy Halloween, hope you all had and/or are having more fun than I did.
I went to Nordstrom Rack today to find a dress for Amanda’s engagement party. I found one, and 2 others. Spent over $100, applied for their debit card and will be getting back $20 to spend again. I found 3 dresses and the one I want to wear to the engagement party is actually one size too small. So after purchasing it, I decided to hit up Meijer to restock my fridge with healthy foods (veggies) and then I did Jillian Michaels yoga. I am determined to fit into this dress. Even if I have to wear shapewear to make it zip after losing weight. It’s such a gorgeous dress though. It’s baby blue and white white brocade, box pleated skirt, 50s drop shoulder top. It’s by Topshop. It’s very high quality and it was only $54.97. Yet trust me, i still feel guilty spending the money when I should be saving for loan payments (which feel like literally taking my money by the handful and flushing it down the toilet willingly) and hopefully a new car.
I need a new job.
A high paying new job.
Oh, and Amanda asked my brother to stand up in the wedding so we’ll both be in the wedding party now. 11 bridesmaids, 11 groomsmen. It’s gonna be a massive wedding.
The worst part about procrastinating and/or generally writing these posts minutes before it turns midnight is that I often find myself at a loss as to what exactly I want to talk about. I know I had some good ideas earlier today while I was at work and sitting there doing nothing. Unfortunately, they’re not finding their way to the foreground of my mind.
Anyway, tomorrow I need to hit the gym. Or exercise or something. I haven’t been to the gym in about 2-3 weeks and it’s really annoying me. My whole slumpy routine is annoying me right now. I need to get back into working out every day again. Especially because of the holiday season coming up – I don’t want to pack on unnecessary extra pounds because I’m eating holiday food and working my ass off in retail with no time to do anything exercise-wise. This is extra important. Also, I don’t feel like I earned any of the showers I’ve taken in the past 2-3 weeks because I wasn’t sweaty. I always feel like this when I shower without having worked out prior.
ALSO, I’ve been thinking of using Breaking Bad on Netflix as a reward system for weight loss. Example, say for every 2 pounds lost, I get to watch 1 episode. I think this could be really good.
I also need to make a concise list of shit I need to buy soon, and categorize everything by how needed they are. I honestly do need like 2 more black tank tops from Target though. I’ve been wearing this one black one just about every other day because it works so well with so many outfits.
I can’t believe today is pretty much over. It’s been a long day, but not in a bad way. I met with my friend Amanda at Demetrios to help her check out wedding dresses along with her mom and her fiance’s sister. She actually ended up saying yes to the dress to the first one she tried on. It’s absolutely gorgeous and I want to share it, but I don’t want her fiance to somehow find this blog and see it, so I’ll keep it under wraps for now and if I’m still blogging here in 9 months, I’ll post pictures then.
She also asked me to be a bridesmaid, which I am super thrilled about. I said yes, of course. It’s my first time being a bridesmaid and first wedding of a personal friend’s that I’ll be attending. Although I must admit I am slightly disappointed I’m not MOH, only because I remember discussing her possibly getting married someday a while ago and I got really excited for her and asked if I’d be a bridesmaid and she told me I’d be MOH. I mean obviously things have changed. She’s not with the same guy she was with back then. But still. It’s okay though, this means I have less bridesmaidly duties to perform, like planning the whole bachelorette party and everything like that. However, I did volunteer my crafty-fashion skills to help with the bouquets/corsages/boutonnieres/bridesmaid accessories. I might as well be MOH when it comes to that stuff.
We also picked out the bridesmaid dress(es) for the most part. She fell in love with this Greek style dress with draping cowls on the side. I’m not sure if she’s set on it though, because I know she didn’t like the price. I think it’s safe to share pictures of that dress, however. So here I am in it! I love the way it looks on me.
Later in the day, I was my mom’s date to a banquet honoring her 15 years work at the hospital she works at. It was a really nice event, and it was held in the newly renovated wing of Cobo Center in downtown Detroit, facing the Detroit River and Canada. We were in a massive hall with a gorgeous modern ceiling. It was a really nice event and the food was very good. The hor d’oeuvres were fantastic. I especially liked the fancy boursin cheese and blackberries the size of golfballs, no joke.
Look at my mom looking fabulous.
October is definitely turning out to be interesting.
I couldn’t handle it anymore. I did it. I made myself a mermaid tail.
I took pictures and videos and omg it’s fantastic. I layed around in my pool mostly just flapping my tail and watching the clouds go by at 75mph (thunderstorms were coming in) for an hour.
I need to add some reinforcement to the fluke because it flops around a lot and it’s cumbersome to actually swim like a mermaid with only heavy interfacing acting as the fluke. Possibly some boning or sheets of plastic would work. OR, I could order a monofin. We’ll see.