Changes

I feel like I’m kind of at a crossroads in my life. Maybe. I think.

There are times when I don’t know what I want to do anymore. But the fire within me for being a fashion designer still burns, and I still feel the same about it: my ultimate goal is to make people happy through clothes.

However, I’m having a hard time finding a way into the industry and getting myself known and showing off my abilities. But I live in Michigan. And the metro Detroit area to boot. We are starters here. What we don’t have, we make. My problem is not so much the making of goods, but rather the providing of services. I don’t know where to begin to get my product out, besides like Etsy, where the competition is so thick, I get lost in the throng.

I need immediate turnover. I need people to see my stuff and say yes, I want this now. I want this today. Not add it to some wishlist or favorites group for a maybe later. This is the biggest challenge for me. Is getting a footing and establishing myself. But I guess before I do that I need to figure out exactly what my niche is going to be. I seem to really be drawn to making jewelry. And taking photos. I haven’t properly sketched clothes since college to be honest, and that’s a problem. I don’t enjoy the computer aided design aspect of it at all and I’ll be the first to admit to it. I loathe the Gerber program and while Illustrator flats can be okay to do sometimes, I generally find the practice tedious and annoying. I am not a technical designer by any stretch.

But I like coming up with concepts and ideas and little details. I like making color palettes and organizing things and looking at things from different angles to better understand them. Nonetheless, I still feel lost. I know what I’m good at, but I tend to forget and think of myself as not being good at anything worth while. And then it’s a whole whirlwind of “BUT HOW WILL I SUPPORT MYSELF IF I CAN’T DO X AND Y!?” It’s a tumultuous mental journey that I’ve been having far too often lately and I need to figure out a way to get out of it. Like, asap.

On the bright side, I have faith things will turn around. They always do. There is an ending to every journey, so new ones may begin. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, but I do know it will change. Everything always changes.

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On Expensive Cars and First Chances

Hey. It’s been a while, I know.

So last night my car pooped out on me again. Not entirely, but some parts needed to be replaced that affected the steering. Like I was driving home and I could only turn the steering wheel about 2 or 3 inches. It was pretty bad. Got it fixed today – $600.

Meanwhile, my dad and I went to a local Buick dealership where one of his friends works as a car salesman. We got quotes on the Buick Encore (which in my opinion looks like an adorable triceratops dinosaur) and the Buick Verano. Both of them are rather luxurious cars that are basically out of my price range for how very depressing my checks are. The Verano is the cheaper option at $333 a month for 72 months. I already pay $364 a month for student loans. I don’t even make enough money in one month to pay for a new car AND student loans and it’s really depressing.

I’ve been searching for jobs in my field and applying for ones that sound relevant and interesting to me and I have the qualifications for, but VERY few of them have even gotten back to me at all with any kind of rejection notice. Which is probably even more depressing.

Like how the actual fuck and am I supposed to gain experience if no one will even give me a chance to show them what I’m capable of? I realize I’m one of millions of grads out there in this situation, which is even MORE depressing. It’s extremely frustrating and aggravating applying for jobs I know I won’t even get considered for for god knows what varying reasons.

I think I’m going to try my luck at self-starting again. At times I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with self-starting on Etsy, but whatever. It never hurts to try. Learn from mistakes, make new ones, learn from those. Vicious cycle. If you want it bad enough, don’t let anything stop you. Yup. SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS GUYS.

Positive attitudes. That’s what keeps the world going.

Retail Taints My Mood

Wow, I didn’t realize I hadn’t updated here in ~5 days. What is that?

So I went to see Juanes in concert on Friday night with my mom. It was a lot of fun. Before the music started, my mom disparted and got herself drinks and then by the end of the concert, I had found she had squeezed her way back into the pit, a few bodies away from me.

I had my camera with me, so I got some pretty good shots, especially since I was 4th and 3rd row from the stage most of the night. By the end of it, I was in 2nd row, almost in first, but people wouldn’t budge enough for me to get closer. It was okay though. because with my lens I was able to get up closer.

This was taken with my phone, not my camera.

The concert itself was fantastic. It was all in Spanish and the theater was filled with hispanics from around the Metro Detroit Area as well as quite a handful of white people like myself, who appreciate latin music. I personally greatly enjoyed the encore performance, as that was when he sang songs I knew the words to.

All that aside, today when I went in work, I looked over my schedule for the upcoming days that I work and realized that the next 5 I’m scheduled, I close every single time. I was half joking when I said it’s time to look for a new job cause the music playlist in my store is the shittiest you’ll ever hear, but now I’m legitimately serious. I’m fucking sick and tired of working in retail. I’m sick of customers, I’m sick of shitty pay, I’m sick of getting home at 10 PM.

Although I will say the one nice thing about working part time is that I do get days off, and oh god, they are glorious.

It’s time.

If any of you know of any fashion design related jobs, holla at yo girl. But seriously.

The Phenomenal Handclap Band is Kind Of a Big Deal

Among the various thousands of thoughts that have passed through my brain waves today, the most recent that stood out enough to share with you all was this (and I’m not sure if I’ve shared this before, but I think I have):

I still firmly believe people are attracted to people who look like themselves. I’m not saying this is universal, but I often find that I run into couples who look rather similar in their facial features, posture, even height sometimes.

I remember watching something on PBS, might’ve been NOVA, about this subject. It stuck with me and made me notice it more.

Anyway, so this weekend while I was shopping at Forever 21, they played this song that I SoundHounded cause I really liked it and wanted to add it to my Spotify playlist. Unfortunately, Spotify doesn’t have this song, but they do have other albums by The Phenomenal Handclap Band and I’m discovering that I really like their music. It’s easy and breezy and kind of reminds me of Benny Hill.

You’re welcome.

Additionally, I’m quite proud of myself for finally getting off my ass and going up to the school to finish making skirts for my friend. I couldn’t do them the past two weeks due to being sick, but I started them yesterday and finished them today. I also paid HNI a visit and was very happy to see him again, it had been too long.

And now it’s time to repaint my nails so I look presentable at work.

A Few Things…

…that annoy me about one on one customer service jobs:

1. Customers who think they’re more important than other customers. Who are you that you think you deserve my attention RIGHT THIS SECOND RIGHT NOW while you can CLEARLY see that I’m currently with someone else? Who are you to rudely “tsk tsk tsk” behind my back while I’m with another customer? Fuck you.

2. Customers who make me take out items placed in hard to reach spots in the showcases and THEN DON’T BUY SHIT. SUCK MY DICK.

3. Customers who make me give prices on items in every. single. case. AND THEN DON’T BUY ANYTHING. SERIOUSLY GO AWAY OMG.

4. Customers who complain that gold is so expensive now, but ask if they can get like a thick 30 inch chain for ~$100. UM NO, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. THIS IS 2013 HOMIE.

5. Customers who work with multiple sales people. IF YOU TALKED TO ME SEVERAL TIMES IN THE LAST WEEK, WHY ARE YOU BUYING FROM MY COWORKER. I WORK ON COMMISSION, STOP WHORING.

And now for some good news: I HAVE SKIRTS UP FOR SALE IN MY ETSY SHOP!!
Get them here: http://etsy.com/shop/lovelikeangels And I do custom orders as well :)

It Took Me 3 Hours to Make This Skirt

I think today was pretty productive.

I hit up Downtown Royal Oak and bought 2 vintage rings from Lost and Found Vintage for $8, one of which is sterling silver. The one in the picture below is Emmons costume jewelry. I’m still trying to figure out if the stone is real aquamarine, CZ, or deceivingly sharp cut glass. I cleaned it up and it looks BEAUTIFUL.

I also went to Barnes and Noble to get away from distractions and finish my Industrial Post article – which I did! It’s been sent off for review. Couldn’t leave without perusing the place though, and I ended up buying 2 books: Crossed by Ally Condie (haven’t read the first one yet, it’s in my pile) and Speechless by Hannah Harrington.

Came home and after wasting some time online telling myself I should get off and do something productive, I decided I wanted to make pillowcases for our couch pillows. The fabric I was going to use was useless though, as it had these huge stickers that left residue I couldn’t get off. So I chose a fabric from my archives, and I was testing it out in the living room against the couches when my mom walked by and said NO.

Soooo, I decided I would attempt to finally make a gathered skirt for myself, like I had originally intended to do when I bought the fabric. 3 hours later, I wound up with a wearable skirt with INSET POCKETS, WUT.

It looks cute, I know. It’s actually skanky in disguise. Can’t bend over or wear it on a day when there is any wind unless you’re wearing tights and/or booty shorts underneath, true story. I also feel like it makes me look like a baby whale cause there’s so many gathers, but oh well.

Everything is Stressful

Day 26.

Today I’m grateful that there’s only 4 weeks left of this term.

Because everything is stressful and there’s too much to do and too little time to do it and it’s fucking week 7 and I’m still undecided about whether my portfolio is going to be just my photography or what.

I’ve made preliminary pages that showcase my illustration skills. I feel like I’d be like a “fraud” or something if I walk into my interview and present just my photography. Like, I’ve just spent the past 3 years learning and honing skills in fashion design, you know? I mean…I’ve also spent the last 3 years doing that with photography, but I didn’t pay like $65,000 to do that.

Sigh. I just want everything to be over with and I want to lay around and drink and sleep all day for like at least a month straight until I get bored out of my mind.

I’m also stressing out about internships because everyone keeps asking me about where I’m going to go and how I’m going to be able to do out-of-state and what happens if I don’t get any of the out-of-state ones and blah blah blah and I’m just like please leave me alone to think about all of this myself.