Chlooooe, I Know Your Sister Turns Everyone On

Today was a pretty mediocre day.

I ended up cancelling my craft show plans because apparently the way my boss made the schedule was specific to why we all needed to be there on certain days at certain times so I was like, alright, I can survive not doing this. Besides, I think I already mentioned it was all really last minute and I was procrastinating in making pieces anyway. Quite unprepared, really. There’s always next year.

The glint in my vision hasn’t gone away. I googled it again and phrased it as looking like a permanent camera flash mark and that yielded that results I was looking for. I’m not alone in this phenomenon, and I’m also not alone in being told by doctors that my eyes look perfectly normal. I think some people mentioned that was part of ocular migraines? And some people mentioned that it happens to them on and off throughout the years, which actually sparked my memory. I think I’ve had this before for a few days in a row like this. It should go away in time. If not, maybe I’ll ask to be referred to a retinal specialist.

For now, I’m gonna enjoy my day off tomorrow and probably (hopefully) hit the gym. My current euphoric feelings are helping me lose weight at a faster and more constant rate again, and that only pushes me to try harder and stay this happy. So cheers to that.

Ocular Migraines

October is turning out to be an extremely turbulent month so far.

I went in for an emergency eye exam today because I was experiencing temporary blind spots with metallic shimmers. I’ll explain it in detail later cause I want to go to bed asap. Long story short, I’m fine, I just had an “ocular migraine”. It was momentarily scary though, not being able to see/fill in what I knew was supposed to be there. I hope I never have this problem permanently. The fear of blindness is great with this one.

On Anxiety, The Fault in Our Stars, and Feeling Attractive

Well, as I happily updated last night, my eyeballs are okay! I went in for an emergency eye exam after class and found out that in fact, my retinas are not detaching (yet, at least) but are rather in the same state they were last year – just thinning. They’ve been thinning for years now actually. I remember I was told by my old eye doctor in 7th grade that they were thinning, which sent me into a downward spiral or paranoia and anxiety for 2 years, until finally, one day in 9th grade Honors English, my friend Krista, tired of hearing me freak out about my eyes, yelled at me that IT CAN BE FIXED! And somehow, that simple frustrated statement calmed me down completely and I didn’t think about it again until very recently when I noticed floaters and flashes.

But, thankfully I’m okay and I don’t need surgery or cryogenics to freeze any holes in my eyes because there are no holes in my eyes, apparently. I bought milkshakes for everyone last night after the exam to celebrate. And then I took pictures of my wonderfully dilated doe eyes:

I wish my pupils were this huge at all times.

On a note that I will relate back to this topic, I read chapters 2 and 3 of The Fault in Our Stars last night by John Green. THAT SHIT IS SO GOOD YOU GUYS. I was going to stop at chapter 2 because I was tired, but I was like FUCK IT I can’t put this down.

I came to the conclusion that I wish Augustus Waters was a real person. Like, why can’t there be some attractive guy in my life who uses big words in witty comments about total the fear of total oblivion and asks me to watch V for Vendetta at his house and flirts with me incessantly? Why? Why can’t these people be real? Why can’t there be some guy out there who is perfectly sweet and interested and completely okay with my anxious-paranoia state of mind when it comes to medical problems like my eyeballs?

I really hope whoever I end up with (if anyone ever) will be able to adequately handle my mental problems with these things. Not that I have actual mental problems, but I drive myself insane with anxiety/paranoia when it comes to any medical complications. They always trump anything else in my life and I spend every breathing moment thinking of the worst possible scenarios of whatever affliction I have. It’s vicious.

On the bright side, finding out I’m okay made me feel a million times better, and so, I dressed accordingly. And I can tell I lost weight and I feel so damn good.