Infuriation. Should Be A Word.

Today started out like any other day – beautiful, sunny, delicious Gevalia coffee in my stomach, some slight frustration with the Gerber program and it’s ridiculous illogical logicalness. And then I saw my face in a meme on my friend’s Facebook feed.

Let me preface this by saying that this meme thing started several months ago and I asked the person responsible for it to take it down. It took a fight and a half for him to finally concede and agree to not continue doing it. While I admit that it is funny, I do not feel comfortable with having my face plastered on the internet in such a manner, especially not without my permission and even more so after asking repeatedly for it not to happen again.

Fast forward to this week and said person remembers the “fond memories” of how “hilarious” that meme was and decides against my wishes to reinstate it. Yes, I laughed. Yes, I still think it’s funny – but I still feel uncomfortable in the same respect and for the same reasons, and so I asked him to take them down again. Nothing’s happened.

In fact, what happened was that I tried to talk to him in a civilized manner and have a civilized, honest conversation and this is the response I got: “I’m done talkin’ to you. You have a attitude with me that you don’t have with anybody else.” And he turned around and walked out with me trying to say that I’m trying to having a civilized conversation. All I wanted to do was ask ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME to take the pictures down.

There are several things I don’t understand about this situation. First of all, I do not understand what can possibly be so incredibly hard about respecting someone’s wishes after being asked repeatedly to do so. How is that a hard thing? What cannot be grasped about that? I’m pretty sure a kindergardener could probably understand that concept.

Secondly, since when is it okay to just turn around and walk away while someone’s trying to talk to you? Not yelling, not even getting angry. Simply trying to have a normal conversation. And then to have the audacity to be mad at them without a proper reason. Because I’m pretty damn sure that he doesn’t have any viable reasons to be mad at me for. And piggybacking on that, let me just say slightly unrelatedly that it pisses me off so much that he gets so offended by the littlest most insignificant shit, yet when he says something that is actually viably offensive, I’m basically not allowed to get offended because he gets offended because it’s “not that big a deal” or something, when in actuality, it is. Hypocrisy at its finest, folks.

Thirdly, I find it incredibly rude and audacious, not to mention perhaps a little bit illegal, to use someone’s photograph that they took (the one in question is actually copyrighted via Deviantart) without their written permission or consent. Isn’t that like property theft or something? Maybe I’m blowing this a little bit out of proportion, but the basic principle of this is that you do not use someone’s work without asking them first – regardless of whether or not they are your “friend”! That’s not right.

And neither is continuing to disrespect an agreement that came to through a drawn out fight that is happening ONCE AGAIN for the SAME FUCKING SHIT. That makes zero fucking sense. Oh, and refusing to read a written message that explains all this and telling me that if I want to say something I should say it to your face is the biggest fucking audacious hypocritical bullshit I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Fuck no. I tried doing that. I can’t talk to someone who refuses to allow me to say what I need to say. What the fuck is that? A very poor excuse for extraordinarily unwarranted pissiness.

Lastly, I really hate being angry. I loathe being loathsome. I despise succumbing to such base emotions and letting them consume me. This bullshit is not conducive to a healthy life and it truly and deeply disturbs me that I have someone in my life that infuriates in me such a way. But I can’t exactly just do one of those “friendship break ups” because we work and go to school in the same place and we see each other all the time and we have a plethora of friends in common. But I’m so fucking sick and tired of constantly having these tug and pull bullshit arguments and full-blown “fights“. I come home feeling angry and take it out on my family and other friends when I should be taking it out on the culprit person. Yet I can’t because god forbid anyone has the opportunity to say anything to him! Because that makes sense.

Maria Sharapova Whips Balls Back And Forth. That’s What She Said.

Sometimes I feel I embody the true representation of a Cancer. I usually don’t consider myself as a person who’s really as moody as horoscopes like to consider Cancers to be, but truth be told, when I step back and look at myself, I do see my moods switch often. For example – today has been a fantastic day. I was on Cloud 7.5 the entire time until right about half an hour ago. After reading a short and funny, yet unfulfilling email, my mood went from “hahahaha I love unicorns!” to “why does everything have to be so stressfulllll uuuugghgh I have so much crap to doooo”

Also, I have this problem where I let my emotions be ruled by other people. Especially love interests. And that is extremely dangerous, yet I can’t seem to shake it. It’s probably a lesson I was born with that I need to learn to solve in this lifetime. Because I’m a firm believer that the reason we are here on this Earth is so we can progress our souls on their journey to elevation. And in order to do that, I think we need to reincarnate as body and flesh and go through hardships and learn lessons. When people ask me what the meaning of life is, my response is to learn lessons. Because what happens when you don’t? You repeat the same mistake. So what I need to learn to do is to stop letting my emotions whip back and forth like a tennis ball in a Maria Sharapova match. Seriously.

Speaking of emotions, I think I also have a problem with being snappy toward people. Although recently it’s mostly because the vagina has to do its thing. But when I’m not shedding a uterus, I do have this tendency to get upset with people rather quickly over stupid shit. Take my brother for example. I think I get snappy with him because…I just do – but sometimes I feel bad about it because he didn’t do or say anything worth getting snappy over. [I’m sorry!] Probably something else I have to work on. Although at the end of the day, these are components that make me who I am. Except that I suppose if I were to truly take on that philosophy, I could be a total asshole and that’s just not cool.

And no – I’m not bipolar. So stop being a dick and thinking about it. I refute your drugs.