I Hate the Cold.

I’m tired.

I spent pretty much all of today decorating our Easter eggs and I’m just pooped out. I don’t want to go to bed though, but my eyes are droopy from staring at fine details and candle flames all day. And my body, specifically my butt and back, ache from being hunched over and sitting down for 8 hours.

I’m also really antsy. I don’t want to be laying here and I don’t want all this hair in my face but then I’ll be cold. I hate being cold. I hate wearing socks and hoodies with pajamas. Summer needs to hurry the fuck up. I want to be complaining about how shorts and tank tops are keeping me too hot at night. Naked summer nights are the best. I’d trade suffocating in the heat for this lame coldness.

Anyway, here’s a sneak peak at what’s coming up on Vivography.

You’ve Got Me Desperate

There’s quite a handful of things I want to mention tonight, so I’m writing this ferverishly in the hopes that I do not forget them all. First, I just watched this movie called Breakaway on CBC. It was basically like Bend It Like Beckham (it even had the same guy playing the disapproving Indian dad!) but set in Canada with hockey instead of soccer and a guy instead of a girl main character, and even a female character about to get married. It was a pretty good movie, but not as good as BILB. Although Russell Peters was in there, so…have I mentioned I love foreign movies? Not in a while.

Secondly, I’ve been meaning to share my new favorite song of the moment – Desperate by Fireflight. It’s played on one or two of my Pandora stations in the past few weeks and I finally remembered to add it to my faves on Youtube yesterday. Here’s the video, which btw, I find matches perfectly with the way the song works, synesthetically. Plus, that lead singer chick? Breathtakingly gorgeous. I’d tap that to the moon and back. And she has a very beautiful, youthful voice. God, I can’t get enough of this song. It feels so good on my tongue.

Also, I don’t remember what I was doing on Youtube today, but somehow I came across another awesome slam poet, Carvens Lissaint. I initially watched him perform a poem entitled “Tell Them” which was beautiful and provided me with the excellent quotation “I was one who never spoke unless it improved on silence.” He had me there. But then I watched this video, Beauty Part 3. And I was like damn. That’s good shit. I cried along with him. I have no other words except WATCH THIS.

Oh, by the way, it’s Easter or something, so Happy Easter! I melted the wax off my eggs today and took pictures (the best of which are over on Vivography). Here is my favorite set, the most elaborate of them. The red one is the multi-angle symmetrical one I was talking about last night.

Also, remember how I said I would try that poetry challenge this month as well? Well, I’ve been keeping up. Today I actually wrote one that A. was not written at like, midnight and B. was not my usual style of poetry. I like it enough that I wanted to share it:

This is a song,
It is a ballad
Cause in this life
Every fuckin’ moment’s valid.
With every step you take
With every word you spake
And sheet you bake
It’s valid.
You breathe the air of cruel intentions
Of pissed people
No life,
No pensions,
Of lovers here
Of lovers there
Every moment, some here, somewhere
You look for refuge
In a crowded plain
Hope to see that face again
If only for a moment past
Erecting shadows so quick
So fast,
Yet you’ll never get that satisfaction
To grasp their hair
To feel the passion
Cause that valid moment was
A hope for things long gone because…
Because you dared enough to show them
You dared to hand over your heart
And that’s what tore you two apart
That you dared,
Exposed your feelings
And in that moment you trusted them
That they would give them back again
That they would care the same way
That you did.
But how foolish
To believe such tragic lies
That your brain had told your eyes
That your heart couldn’t despise
Your body didn’t recognize…
You were wrong.
But that moment’s valid.
It lives on the wings of a thousand larks,
It paints a picture
So dark, so stark
And maybe next time you will get it,
Cause this ballad’s gone and said it.

Aaaand finally, Day 8: What are 5 passions you have?
1. UNDERWEAR. I’ve said it before, and I’m not joking. I. LOVE. underwear.
2. Art. I consider myself, before all things, an artist. I have always been an artist. I loved art from the very first time my mom taught me how to draw a clown, from the first time I laid my hands on clay, from the very first time I drew a number 2 based on the way a swan looked. I strive to immerse myself in art at all possible moments. Because art is one of the most important things in the world to me. It is expression, it is love, it is life. 
3. Poetry. I discovered about a decade ago that poetry was an excellent way to voice my emotions. Poetry was my outlet when I was depressed years ago, an outlet when no one understood me, an outlet when I was happy to the point of rhythmic verbal expression. This month’s poetry challenge is helping me reconnect with that original attraction to this art form.
4. Fashion. Yeah, cliche. Whatever. I’m a highly visual person. Yes, I do judge you by how you look. Yes, I do dress “unusually” sometimes, and yes, I do have gay friends who happen to also be studying the same field as me. But most importantly, I love everything fashion embodies. From boring vanilla shit to S&M and Lady Gaga crazy shit. Fashion is more than itself. It transcends into art and as I said above, that’s kind of what I live for.
5. Love. If you’ve been following me long enough, you know I struggle with this area in my life, like, a lot. Not because I don’t give enough love, but probably because I give too much. I feel like it flows out of me like Niagara Falls and yet, no one seems to want to fill their cup with it. I’ve been dancing a perpetual love/lust dance all my life. Yes, I’m young. Yes, there’s time to find ‘true love’. But sometimes your brain shakes itself up a bit and says ‘HEY LET’S GET HOT AND HEAVY FOR THIS PERSON‘ and with me, it never works out like my brain wants it to. But my greatest folly (or asset, however you want to look at it) is that I am perpetually hopeful and optimistic about love. Cheers to ‘maybe this time’!

Painting Eggs Like A BEAST!

I slept absolutely fantastically last night for about 11 hours. And then my brain turned on around 10:45 this morning and all I could think about was whether my dad had noticed that I laid out my crystals on his car last night for purifying (full moon!) and whether he read the note I left him about taking them off his car before he drives anywhere. So I tossed and turned for about 10 minutes before I finally woke up and found that my mom thankfully took them off the car in a napkin. The quartz I wear around my neck looks much clearer. That usually happens when I purify them with water too. I’ve always found that incredibly interesting.

Anyway, today is “Easter Eve” or some shit. So I decorated like 18 eggs traditionally – with a pysanky, wax, and a candle. I still need to burn off the wax, but they turned out pretty phenomenally, IMO. Much better than last year even! For some reason, my hand was quite steady this year, and I had the patience to do some legitimately “intense” eggs. I can’t wait to take pictures tomorrow. There’s one that’s got this full egg symmetrical design at like 12 different angles. It’s my favorite. I also did one with trees all over and painted it green, and one with birds in flight. They’re all unique!

We don't fuck around in Romania when it comes to decorating eggs.

When I came home from work today, my mom gave me my Easter present! She got me the Celebrate! gift set from Lush. I was so excited. I haven’t opened it yet, but I can occasionally get a waft of Lush from the box and it’s like 6 feet away and wrapped up.

And now, Day 7: What is your dream job and why?
My dream job is being top boss of a fashion empire. Like, I want to be the person with the business cards that read “I’m CEO, bitch.” and I want to tell people what to do. And I mean, I want to tell A LOT of people what to do – hence the usage of the term ‘empire‘. I don’t play when it comes to that part of it. I want to have a plethora of minions. Like a design team. But I want to be leader. I’ve always had the innate feeling that I was born to lead, no matter what path my life would go down career wise.

Andrea Gibson, Where Have You Been All My Life?!

I’ve had this window open for at least an hour in an effort to get myself to write. In the middle of page like, 100, on my Tumblr dash, I finally said fuck it, let’s do this. It’s 10:30, it’s about damn time.

Let me start off by saying I updated Vivography today, so go check it out to see what’s new. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that one of the commentators on today’s post seems to run a rather awesome feminist blog that led me to this amazing video of Katie Makkai reciting the slam poem ‘Pretty’. Which led me onwards to other slam poetry and I happened to discover the amazingness that is Andrea Gibson.

She’s a lesbian poet with the most fantastic arsenal of verbiage. People like her inspire me to try harder in fucking everything! She also swears enough to satisfy my quota of “fucks” in one day. (That’s not to say I’m one of those people who doesn’t know how to carry a sentence without swearing, but every now and then you just need the proverbial FUCK in there to make a point a little more clear.) Regardless, I want to be her best friend. I want to listen to her speak in poems all day long. Actually, I want someone to write poems about me in general, in case you were wondering. I write poems about various people (or to them, as never-delivered letters of emotion) all the time. I’d love to have that happen to me too.

I really love the poem in the video. I think she did a good job of portraying the crude injustices homosexual people have to endure, but on a very personal level. I think it’s absolutely terrible that anyone should be shunted from a dying person’s bed because they’re gay. I mean…where does mentality like that come from? Who’s idea is it to deny a person these beautiful privileges because of their sexual orientation? That seems like such an archaic way of though. I often find myself thinking that this world is so incredibly fucking fucked up that it doesn’t even realize how fucked up it is. Of course, that’s not to say that there are not people out that such as myself who see these things too and agree with me – because I know there are. I make an effort to surround myself with those people because I’d probably be suicidal in a sea of narrow-minded idiots.

Funny enough, a friend posted this on Facebook and it’s completely relevant:

Now if only more people could follow suit and understand this. Just because gay people are gay doesn’t mean it’s going to affect you. It’s a pretty simple concept. OPEN YOUR MINDS.

And now, Day 5: What are 5 things that make you happy right now?
1. Is it creepy and ridiculous to say HNI? Because I can’t even lie about that one. I mean honestly. Sometimes people just walk into your life and light it up like a ten million fireflies.
2. My newest stations on Pandora. (Alexandra Stan and *NSYNC)
3. MY RUBY RED HAIR. I LOOK LIKE A FOX! We have mirrors that take up the length of our bathroom and while I was in there earlier I thought about how my dad always calls me a vulpe (fox) when I dye my hair in Romanian and that it’s kind of true.
4. The thought that there’s only 2 weeks left of classes and then SPRING BREAK!!! Although the former part is kind of a little scary. So much work to do!
5. Easter preparations beginning in my house. My mom made 2 desserts today. I gotta cook/bake things tomorrow and Saturday. And I have to do kistka eggs. Among final projects for school. I might pass out.