A Graduation Post.

I just spent the last 10 minutes or so crying about a DAYDREAM. The Glee season finale (which I will discuss shortly) peppered me up, but I had a good little cry session in the mirror (I know, this just sounds all kinds of odd) and now I feel better. What threw me over the edge was imagining my future daughter (if I were to ever have such a thing) telling me she had an imaginary friend named Lena and I immediately knew it was my great-grandmother. And I just started bawling. I am of the nature to believe in such things, and I wonder if even though I imagined this, it was her way of saying hello from the other side tonight. She passed away about 13 years ago and I don’t often think about her, but I have a strong feeling she poked my brain. WHAT IF IT WAS A PREMONITION THOUGH!? Oh my god, children…that I popped out…
 
I’m not entirely against having kids. I mean, don’t get me wrong, for the most part I am. They’re a huge responsibility among many, many other things. But if the right person came along and really wanted to have kids with me, I might consider it…I could be swayed. BUT I NEVER SAID THAT. *COUGH*
 
So about that Glee finale! I missed it last week, and I actually, believe it or not, had time to watch it tonight! First of all, the music choices were pretty great. What got me though was the graduation ceremony. That was LITERALLY the most unrealistic graduation ceremony I have ever seen on television. They were called out of alphabetical order, they freaking CAME OUT THROUGH CURTAINS and there were about 35 graduating seniors on that stage. Their high school cannot be a multi-national sports champion high school with so little graduates – no way in flaming hell. 
 
However, that particular scene jogged the reminiscence of my high school graduation and that’s when I started being on the verge of tears. I remember feeling nervous and excited as well as sad. I was extra nervous and excited because I was in choir my senior year (BEST FUCKING 6TH HOUR IN THE WORLD, BTW) and we performed at graduation. I wore my very high heeled Guess by Marciano wedges and happened to be on the top steps of the choral stairs. I had no trouble getting up there, but getting down was a different story. I personally think it was one of the most amusing parts of the whole ceremony and I look back on it with merriment. I got stuck on the top step (mostly due to fear of falling down and breaking my ankles or something of that nature) long after the rest of the choir had exited. I think about 2 or 3 of friends lagged behind to watch me struggle to get off the steps, and my fellow graduate friend Heather helped me down. I remember the audience laughing (me included) as our principal took to the microphone and I was still perched up there afraid of stepping down and slightly screaming for someone to help me down.
 

Oh look, it’s 17 year old me with short hair. Graduated with honors, bitches! Historian for National Honor Society 8). I think I might’ve been a little heavier here. I think. Maybe. I’m not sure.

Anyway, after remembering my high school graduation, I imagined what my college graduation might be like. I determined that I will probably cry, a lot. And hug people. Like, a lot a lot. I’ll probably be so emotional I’ll say really awkward things to people (it’s inevitable, I did it at my HS graduation too; I still feel embarrassed by those memories) and probably do awkward and embarrassing things as well.And then I shall be thrust into the real world.
 
And I will cry and wish I was a stupid teenager again with next to nothing responsibility, zero loan payment bills, and “real” summer vacations where I could stay up until 4 AM talking to friends on messenger chats and trolling the interwebz. Oh youth, where art thou gone?
ETA: WHY IS MY BLOG FUCKING UP THE LOOK OF THE TEXT TONIGHT. WHAT IS THIS SHIT.

Monday Musings and Wishing I Was In Choir Again.

As anyone that knows me knows (and if they don’t, they SHOULD know) I am a total Bieber fan. (Please don’t stop following me if you’re not a Bieber fan, though! I’m not like a total nutball for the kid.) Anyway, I don’t remember what I was thinking about a few minutes ago, but it led me to listening to U Smile by the Biebs and god, I love this song. I wish the Biebs would just come to my house and sing to me every night before I went to bed.

Last year when his movie came out, I went to see it. Twice. With my gay friends, both times. In 3D, both times. The latter of which, one of them gave me a present: Purple Justin Bieber 3D glasses that I cherish to this day. True story, guys. I think a big part of the reason why I really like him is because he was not part of “the machine” aka DISNEY. I cannot stand any of those Disney stars. I takes me a VERY LONG time to remotely acknowledge that a Disney star is even somewhat okay. Example: Hillary Duff. I loathed her back in the day. Today – she’s kind of irrelevant, but if she were to be big again, I’d probably really be abraded again. Also, Miley Cyrus. I just…can’t handle all ‘o dat.

Child stars aside, today was pretty great. After work, which ended wonderfully, I did about 20 minutes of some really intense Zumba followed by about 15-20 minutes of cool down yoga/stretching/weightlifting and it was GLORIOUS. I wish I had more time to exercise so I could get in the swing of doing it every day or nearly every day again. I can get really addicted to it to the point of my day doesn’t feel correct if I don’t do it. And I need that in my life.

I can’t remember if I mentioned this yesterday or whenever it was, but I was looking at my 8th grade/early high school photo album and discovered my 9th grade homecoming pictures and I was visibly skinnier and I want to look like that again. I just want to be able to go shopping in more places and be able to fit into a size medium or small. That is basically my ultimate goal.

But also to just be a better looking me. Because a better looking me = a healthier me. And I want that again in my life. But it’s gonna take more work and more discipline. And I need to brace myself. But I can do it! I’ve done it before – the only thing stopping me is my excuses. Here’s to commitment and continuing my journey of weight loss! This reminds me, today I discovered this blog via AOL and encourage you all to check it out.

Also, last night I had a dream involving my choir/band teacher from high school and it reminded me of how much I miss being in choir. Whenever I sing in the car and get really into it, my voice tends to crack and get…weezy? And it’s because it’s not put to good singing use like it used to be all my senior year! It makes me truly sad and it’s one of the reasons I wish I were still in high school sometimes. Choir was one of my top favorite classes I ever took. I was the unproclaimed lead soprano (everyone kinda followed my lead, and got lost if I was lost – it was actually incredibly amusing and humbling) and it was just a great time in my life. Oh what I wouldn’t do to switch with a high schooler in Choir for a week…