Happy and Stressed

A huge milestone has officially been reached in my life as of yesterday: I have bought my first brand spanking new car! Like, new car smell and automatic windows and remote start and all.

It is both thrilling and terrifying. While I don’t know firsthand what it’s like to have kids, I imagine it’s a lot like being a car owner. You’re constantly worried about their safety, making sure to steer them carefully and being extra cautious about others in the near vicinity. I checked on it constantly while I was at work today to make sure no one was parked too close or threatened the safety of it.

I drove extra cautiously to make sure I didn’t get in an accident or pulled over (partly because I left my proof of insurance and purchase at home) and exited carefully as well to make sure the door didn’t hit anything. Seriously, owning your own brand new car is a lot of stress.

Anyway, so we (the family) went out to dinner tonight because I had $125 in giftcards to Outback Steakhouse, to celebrate getting this car. FOR WHATEVER REASON, my dad decided that we should take my old ghetto car, which is now replacing his even ghettoer car, and I still cannot fathom WHY. That car is too small to fit us all in there comfortably and we could have taken my mom’s which is the roomiest ¬†and everyone would have sat comfortably with enough leg room.

So I ordered 2 Sangrias and got drunk to cheer myself up a bit because I was genuinely angry. However, at the end of the night, everyone was rushing me to get up and go home – which is another thing I don’t understand because what the fuck are we going to do at home? – so I went back to being pissed off and I yelled at everyone about the whole car thing. First time being angry drunk.

I’m just really stressed out right now with student loans, car payments, my various bills, things that need to be bought for the house that no one else is going to pick up the bill on, both jobs and trying to find a better paying job or a third job. And on top of it all, familial interactions are stressful as fuck. My mom’s mom got a computer and the internet and we’ve been talking on Google hangouts, however sometimes I don’t answer because I don’t have anything to say and she gets upset.

IT’S JUST TOO MUCH.

I need to get away from here.

On the bright side though, check out the dashboard on my baby. It’s pretty baller.

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On Expensive Cars and First Chances

Hey. It’s been a while, I know.

So last night my car pooped out on me again. Not entirely, but some parts needed to be replaced that affected the steering. Like I was driving home and I could only turn the steering wheel about 2 or 3 inches. It was pretty bad. Got it fixed today – $600.

Meanwhile, my dad and I went to a local Buick dealership where one of his friends works as a car salesman. We got quotes on the Buick Encore (which in my opinion looks like an adorable triceratops dinosaur) and the Buick Verano. Both of them are rather luxurious cars that are basically out of my price range for how very depressing my checks are. The Verano is the cheaper option at $333 a month for 72 months. I already pay $364 a month for student loans. I don’t even make enough money in one month to pay for a new car AND student loans and it’s really depressing.

I’ve been searching for jobs in my field and applying for ones that sound relevant and interesting to me and I have the qualifications for, but VERY few of them have even gotten back to me at all with any kind of rejection notice. Which is probably even more depressing.

Like how the actual fuck and am I supposed to gain experience if no one will even give me a chance to show them what I’m capable of? I realize I’m one of millions of grads out there in this situation, which is even MORE depressing. It’s extremely frustrating and aggravating applying for jobs I know I won’t even get considered for for god knows what varying reasons.

I think I’m going to try my luck at self-starting again. At times I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with self-starting on Etsy, but whatever. It never hurts to try. Learn from mistakes, make new ones, learn from those. Vicious cycle. If you want it bad enough, don’t let anything stop you. Yup. SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS GUYS.

Positive attitudes. That’s what keeps the world going.