A Shower of Men

Another month challenge gone and past and finished, and another month of adventures to recount.

To begin, let me say that in the past year, J1B has been a solid rock for me in all my love-life woes. She has continuously reminded me of the quote “when it rains, it pours” and I only half believed her. I mean honestly, me? I’m not the kind of girl men swoon over (unless they’re old, middle eastern, or old & African American in a TJ Maxx parking lot) much less give any of their attention to me.

However, within the past week, I have suddenly found myself drowning in a whirpool of attention by quite literally a handful of men. And I’ve had to stop and take a step back and really looking at the whole situation.

First let me say that while I am actually quite flattered by all of this, I’m still struggling with whether to entirely let myself be flattered, or also be insulted. If you’re asking why I would be insulted, let me remind you that I am currently on a weight loss journey. I know that a lot of this attention has to do with my weight loss. I know that none of these guys would’ve paid me any serious attention before when I was bigger, because guess what, they didn’t. But suddenly I’m starting to look attractive. Suddenly I put a new pictures up and everyone wants to stick their dick in my mouth. Suddenly I’m desirable because my face is thinner, my body’s smaller. What does this say about people?

That we are fundamentally attracted to the way people look, and secondarily attracted to their personality. But seriously, I still can’t entirely wrap my mind around this whole situation. I mean, me!? I have choices!? I’m being chased!? You guys have no idea how much I’ve asked for this kind of thing from God or whatever forces have you. And after all this time, it’s beginning to happen and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel totally unprepared for any of it. And I want to complain about that, but then I think to myself how incredibly ungrateful I sound when I finally get (some of) what I want and I complain about not being prepared for it.

So I guess I’m just gonna go with it and see where it takes me. I’ve got my eye on one person in particular right now. And it’s really fucking complicated and I can’t believe I’m in this particular situation. I hope it turns out for the better though. We shall see.

Dear Yes To Carrots Daily Facial Moisturizer: An Open Letter

Dear Yes To…Carrots and other related companies,

Let me start off by saying that I love you guys. I love everything you stand for and I love your company motto and what you’re trying to accomplish. I especially love the scent of your Yes To Carrots line cause it smells like Jesus tears. However, I do have a gripe or two with you.

I recently bought your Yes To Carrots daily facial moisturizer with the expectation that I would be getting a product that was of the high standard of Yes To… quality that I am used to. I am sadly disappointed. Instead of moisturizing my face like I expected, I find my cheeks to be drier! Just before I showered earlier, I gazed at my face and noticed that my cheeks were flaky. Also, after I put the moisturizer on, I seem to sweat it out for about 20 minutes. What the hell is that!? I don’t feel like that’s supposed to happen. This does not make me a happy customer. I paid $15 for a tiny bottle of what!?

That said, I want you to know that while it breaks my heart to pay your damn high prices, I’m still in love with your Yes To Carrots shampoo and conditioner. I always felt great when my hair smelled all Jesus-teary.

As for the rest of you related companies, (Alba Botanica, Burt’s Bees, Aveeno, Lush, etc) I am equally disappointed in all of you when it comes to your facial moisturizers. They’re either too greasy, don’t work, or REALLY WEIRD SMELLING. Why can’t any of you make a goddamn facial moisturizer that MOISTURIZES and SMELLS GREAT!? I’m going to go to Meijer this weekend and buy Avalon Organics Vitamin C facial moisturizer (it actually smells good! like oranges!) and hope to god that shit works better than all the jars and bottles of barely used moisturizer from all of you.

Love and shit,
A semi-happy customer.

P.S. The Biebs has released a new single with a lyric video. I am enticed. You should be too.