We’re Gonna Talk About Miley Cyrus’s VMA Performance

Before I start this post, I just want to say that I have 2 posts planned, WITH HANDWRITTEN NOTES I TOOK JUST FOR THE PURPOSE OF WRITING THEM WITH ALL MY THOUGHTS IN ORDER that I’m skipping in lieu of writing about the most currently pressing issue on the internet as of last night: Miley Cyrus and the 2013 VMAs.

Yeah. So let’s talk about that, shall we?

First, I would like to say that every year at the VMAs, there is always at least one moment in which I feel secondhand embarrassment due to someone saying or doing something stupid. This year’s was this moment right here:

While everyone has been going on and on about Miley during this moment, I would just like to point out that Robin Thicke’s LEG IS TWITCHING . And that makes this whole scene even more awkward and hilarious.

I would also like to point out that the stupid pink bears that everyone keeps saying look “bored” or “unenthused” ARE JUST FUCKING HIGH. THAT’S WHY THEIR FACES LOOK LIKE THAT. HELLO, INTERNET FULL OF STONERS. How hasn’t anyone else caught on to that?

Rick Diamond, Getty Images

Overall, I found this performance to be surpassing the realm of “trying too hard” and going beyond that. If Miley was trying to do something that was going to be talked about for a while, she succeeded. She also succeeded and some of the best reactions from the audience ever. I can’t get over Rihanna’s “bitch….you didn’t” face or Jaden Smith’s “WHAT ARE MY EYES SEEING!?” look of terror. ¬†Although upon searching the picture of the Smiths, apparently their appalled faces were for Lady Gaga and not Miley.

Lastly, I wish she would’ve put that tongue away because it was literally out all night and it was giving me sentient nightmares.

And now that I’ve discussed Miley, I’d just like to say that I was TOTALLY EXCITED to see Iggy Azalea on national television in all her gorgeous Aussie glory and was saddened that she didn’t win the award for up and coming.

Iggy and Rita Ora

I also basically pissed my pantaloons when THERE WAS REALLY AN NSYNC REUNION even if it was only for 118 seconds. I had to suppress a real scream and let out a barely breathing squeal of excitement.

Also, let us not leave tonight without mentioning Gaga’s ass. I don’t know why, but I really approve of her wearing nothing but a couple of clamshells and a g-string the rest of the night after her performance. I also appreciate the fact that she mooned everyone at least once during the performance in that ensemble. Yo go Gaga, you put that fabulously toned ass on display!

Lastly, Taylor Swift was such a fucking bitch that it just gave me more reason to passionately dislike her and her shitty “music”. This is a gif from when One Direction accepted their award.

Her acceptance speech really annoyed me, mostly due to the fact that she said “I also want to the thank the person who inspired this song who knows exactly who he is because now I got one of these.” Apparently this is about Harry Styles, although I personally think the guy in the video looks like Jared Leto.

And that’s about all that matters.

Oh, and this.

Sorry not sorry.

I Graduated, Y’all

Today was the day: the culmination of 3 and a half years of schooling summarized in a ~30 second walk across a stage. I got a considerable amount of loud cheers actually, it felt really good.

There were several highlights to the day.

Prior to the ceremony, all the programs took group pictures together. Alyza and I were in the front row of ours for like a minute before our group photo was taken. The photographer lady was having all of us crouch down so the people behind us could be seen. Apparently the pirate stances Alyza and I were doing were inappropriate because she got really irritated, waved her pointer finger at us and said “no no, I can’t have this – you, come to the front – you two, to the back” and so we were KICKED OUT OF THE FRONT ROW and sent to the back for our group photo. It was actually pretty hilarious.

HNI was of course there (hiii) and upon first seeing him, I WAS ACTUALLY ALLOWED A HUG. (And several more throughout the day – it was rather fantastic, actually, and I should’ve hugged tighter, damnit.) And then he whipped out a recipe for pesto and gave it to me and I was really confused at first, but apparently I asked for it a really long time ago. And in retrospect, I regard this as one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever given me, because it came as a complete surprise and it’s handwritten and awwwwwww. There are other things I’d like to say about this, but I’m too sober, so I’ll keep them to myself. And the last thing I’ll gush about in this section is that I got a picture with him and it’s fabulous.

Lastly, I again didn’t take as many pictures with people or in general of graduation, just like my high school ceremony, and it upsets me. But I know I’m on other’s people’s cameras, so that’s a consoling thing to know. However, of the pictures I did get, I have an absolute favorite and I keep looking at it because it’s ten kinds of glorious.

I mean, really. We had to.