Life Sucks and I Don’t Get Paid Enough

Last week, I did some calculations about the amount of money I earn and how it gets used yearly to see what I have left over to use toward new car payments.

Surprise surprise, there are no new cars (aside from the Chevy Spark, really) that I could get with my measly income. Even then, I would still be on such a tight budget, that I wouldn’t be able to buy anything except the absolute bare necessities. That would mean no going out to eat – EVER. No buying new clothes that I might need. Nothing. Zero. Not one penny would be able to be sacrificed for anything. I would be working strictly to pay student loans and car payments.

Not only is this prospect extremely depressing for me, but when I look at it more broadly, I have to stop and wonder how other people manage to put food on their tables making less money than I do. I should however mention that I would make double the amount I do now if I were full time – I am only part time, which is part of why I earn under $10,000. INCLUDING COMMISSION AND MY SECOND JOB!

I’m increasingly becoming more and more disgruntled with the state of the job market, the level with which we cling to money as a means of evaluating a persons worth. As The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony goes:

Trying to make ends meet
You’re a slave to money
And then you die

It’s fucking disgusting, actually. It’s fucking disgusting that the richest 1% of Americans own 40% of this country’s wealth. It’s fucking disgusting that I can’t get a decent job with a piece of paper that put me over $60,000 in debt. It’s fucking disgusting that the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer. Where is the middle class?

I’ll tell you what they did when they consolidated the American car companies a few years ago and terminated several brands: they cut out the “cheap” affordable brands. They said FUCK YOU! If you don’t have enough money to buy a Buick, too fucking bad.

However, I came across this article that I think it’s a good reminder to remain positive in the face of trying times. It’s called The 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People and it definitely sheds light on the negative things we do to sabotage ourselves.

I’ve been desperately trying to keep a positive outlook on my life in all aspects, but I’ve been very annoyed, sad, angry, and overall negative lately and I REALLY DON’T LIKE IT. I don’t know what these emotions do to me or how they make me act toward other people and I feel like a horrible person. I feel like there’s poison running through my veins and I know that I’m not this kind of soul naturally. I do not enjoy experiencing seething feelings.

Furthermore, and only because my mom came in my room annoyed just now am I reminded of this, but my relationship with her lately has been very aggravating. Like rubbing two abrasive rocks together. She says and does shit that pisses me off and I’m just like oh my god, dear lord save me. Like it’s just another reason why I need a job that pays livable wages and allows me to MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. I’m starting to go crazy. I’m starting to hermit myself my room or go out shopping just to be out of the house and away from her.

UGH!

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