Happy Halloween 2013!

I should’ve turned off my computer half an hour ago, but I got distracted. I really need to be going to bed since I’ll be waking up BEFORE the crack of ass (dawn) for job #2, but I also remembered I have to write here. It’s the last day of Blogtober! Happy Halloween, hope you all had and/or are having more fun than I did.

I went to Nordstrom Rack today to find a dress for Amanda’s engagement party. I found one, and 2 others. Spent over $100, applied for their debit card and will be getting back $20 to spend again. I found 3 dresses and the one I want to wear to the engagement party is actually one size too small. So after purchasing it, I decided to hit up Meijer to restock my fridge with healthy foods (veggies) and then I did Jillian Michaels yoga. I am determined to fit into this dress. Even if I have to wear shapewear to make it zip after losing weight. It’s such a gorgeous dress though. It’s baby blue and white white brocade, box pleated skirt, 50s drop shoulder top. It’s by Topshop. It’s very high quality and it was only $54.97. Yet trust me, i still feel guilty spending the money when I should be saving for loan payments (which feel like literally taking my money by the handful and flushing it down the toilet willingly) and hopefully a new car.

I need a new job.

A high paying new job.

Oh, and Amanda asked my brother to stand up in the wedding so we’ll both be in the wedding party now. 11 bridesmaids, 11 groomsmen. It’s gonna be a massive wedding.

Because Sex Sells

As an avid PostSecret fan and community member, I naturally gravitate toward similar projects. I’ve been playing around with the Whisper app on my phone for a few months now thanks to Alyza telling me about it. It’s basically the alternative to the once upon a time alive PostSecret app, which got killed because apparently Frank Warren wasn’t down for all the negativity that was happening on it.

Anyway, last night I posted a Whisper (secret) that was slightly sexual in nature. I’ve thought about divulging the exact contents of it, but that’s not entirely relevant. What is relevant, however, is the amount of attention I got from it. Within seconds of it going live, my inbox was flooded, and I mean flooded, with messages from men. About 80% of them were perverted in nature, begging to see and what not. The other 20% were more conversational and seemed rather concerned. Those were the ones I answered.

At any rate, I thought this was an interesting subject to talk about tonight. I’ve posted a nice handful of Whispers and none of them have ever gotten me any private messages, much less so many so quickly. I find it interesting that the minute I post one that’s even vaguely sexual, I’m still drowning in messages I can’t even get to because there’s 15 more coming in. I feel like this says something about our society. Maybe that we’re sexually deprived…or depraved.

I can’t deny that sex interests me. I deeply considered going into sexual therapy as my major in college while I was in high school. That said, I understand where these people were coming from, sending me these messages. Apparently it doesn’t take a lot to spark just a tiny bit of interest in people when it comes to sex. Truly. I’m genuinely still in awe.

Moral of the story? If you want attention, talk about sex. Because sex sells. Really.

Instinct.

Last night before I went to bed, I was on Tumblr (obviously) and one of the last posts that I reblogged haunted me all throughout today. This is the post I’m talking about, but here is the content and gif in case you’re lazy and don’t want to follow the link:

Many classic horror icons and other disturbing creatures share common characteristics. Pale skin, dark, sunken eyes, elongated faces, sharp teeth, and the like. These images inspire horror and revulsion in many, and with good reason. The characteristics shared by these faces are imprinted in the human mind.

Many things frighten humans instinctively. The fear is natural, and does not need to be reinforced in order to terrify. The fears are species-wide, stemming from dark times in the past when lightning could mean the burning of your tree home, predators could be hiding in the dark, heights could make poor footing lethal, and a spider or snake bite could mean certain death.

The question you have to ask yourself is this:

What happened, deep in the hidden eras before history began, that could effect the entire human race so evenly as to give the entire species a deep, instinctual, and lasting fear of pale beings with dark, sunken eyes, razor sharp teeth, and elongated faces?

The last paragraph really got to me. My first instinctual thought was “aliens”, I’m not gonna lie. Or aliens to us now. I turned on all the lights last night before meditating, when I went to get water, and when I woke up this morning, it was the first thought to flood back to me. I think the question of what happened in the depths of our humanity that scarred us instinctually is not only valid, but extremely important.

I’m watching an old Ancient Aliens episode right now, and they’re talking about the origins of Satan throughout the cultures of the world and what he was represented as (reptilian-like, similar to the description in the above Tumblr post). I think this is related. I need to ruminate on this subject further before I come to any solid, concrete theories of my own. But I think it’s a great question to ask and an even greater journey of speculation to discovering something important about our past.

Answers

Today I went to church looking for answers to all the stress and anxiety and negative feelings I’ve been feeling lately. I was in a very good mood for about 10 minutes after I woke up while I was getting dressed. Then I went and asked my dad if I could take my mom’s car since hers was in the way and he rather rudely told me no and I should take my car. SOOOOO, I was going to just put her car in the street, as it was the most logical and easiest option (my car is always in the garage) and my dad followed me out and said he’d put HIS car in the street and then I could just move my mom’s car in his spot. Honestly this pissed me off even more. He didn’t have to get up from napping because it literally would’ve been so fucking easy to just put my mom’s car in the street instead of moving two cars. Just. Fucking ridiculous.

So I got myself to church. I rushed. There was no reason to, as always, as the whole standing up sitting down making crosses over oneself thing was still happening for a solid 20 minutes after I arrived at like 11:10. As I said, I went searching for answers. I got none. I couldn’t quite hear what the pope was saying (as usual) and the guys in the foyer where they sell candles were being loud as fuck and talking and banging shit around. It only aggravated me more. However, I did notice while trying to recount how many times Jesus is painted on the walls (18 last time I remember) that the painting of him that is right above your head as you walk into the church – he has a triangle (pyramidal if it were 3D) halo around his head. It’s the only one like that. I found that highly interesting and spent quite a bit of time pondering why only that painting was done like that and why it was done like that at all. 3 is a very powerful number, that’s for sure. I have a multitude of theories about it, but I’m not going to expound.

So while I didn’t get what I wanted in church, after hitting up Meijer, I decided I’d go to Ferndale to the Boston Tea Room because it’s always calming in there and I generally feel at peace. I was hoping I’d find some new stones to add to my growing collection. Instead I found a pair of sterling silver bee earring studs (for only $6.25!) that I attempted to use as nose studs but found the gauge to be too big. I also decided to buy Buddhist mala prayer beads made of cherry quartz. So in a way, I did add new stones to my collection. I’m still a bit bummed I didn’t pick up the ombre citrine set while they still had it. I’m half tempted to go back and get the lavender jade set, but I need to be conserving my money, once again. This was a spiritual thing. I bought them to find peace. I don’t need more. ¬†Although I will probably get more in the future, I’m sure. In a way, I made my answers today.

I still feel discord and I’m trying not to let it get to me. Inner peace and tranquility brings forth outer peace and positive energy. You are what you think. Etc etc.

On Friends

Here’s the thing. It’s not always that I procrastinate and wait until the the last 10 minutes before midnight to update this thing. Sometimes I have genuinely great ideas throughout the day, but they simply seem to want to grow wings and fly out of my head and not return in time for me to write them down and discuss them on the blog. It’s really a problem. I should start carrying around a notepad with me.

That said, I love making new friends that are actually like good conversationalists and good friends, you know? I’ve been doing group webcamming every night with a few of my online friends that I’ve known for a while from a forum I frequent, and one of the girls and I have have really hit it off recently. I’ve always been intimidated by her (as well as highly amused cause she’s fucking hilarious) but we’ve begun to find that we get along quite well. We’ve even exchanged phone numbers and have been texting throughout the day.

The funniest part is that all my closest friends – I have either been scared of them or really annoyed by them before we were friends. It’s an interesting and strange trend in my life.

New Adventures

I know I’ve talked about it a few times already, but I think I really need to get a third job and quit my main one because I’m getting real sick and tired of being in that building, dealing with that customer base, and handling biohazardous nasty jewelry.

It’s just time to move on. I’m debating whether I’ll stick through the holiday season or not. I might. It means more money. But I really don’t want to be working there anymore. I’ve reached my potential and highest level of learning at that place. It’s time for new adventures.