Last night, I went out with my friends to celebrate one of their birthdays and stayed long enough past the dinner to hit up the first hot and sweaty bar and drink a $5 glass of Angry Orchard. (It was so damn good.) Halfway through my glass and a little while after we snatched a table with chairs, I was peering around the visible vicinity, people watching and absorbing the general attractiveness of the males near me. I made eye contact with a tall guy in a blue shirt and snapback hat who was directly behind me earlier taking pictures with his friends, one of which was wearing a lime green shirt and nearly white khaki shorts.
A little time went by, my friends were getting drunker and rowdier, singing and dancing and laughing. Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and when I turned and looked up, the tall guy in the blue shirt was standing bent over next to me. The following dialogue is how I remember our conversation going, to the best of my memory:
Guy: Hey how are you, I’m (forgot his name), what’s your name? *starts shaking my hand*
Me: Hi! I’m good, my name’s Viviana.
Me: Hahaha no, Vi-vi-a-na, like Vivian but with an “a” at the end.
Guy: Oh okay, that’s a pretty name Viviana, nice to meet you.
Me: *smiling, laughing* Thanks! Nice to meet you too.
Guy: So uh, are you two crazy girls? *gestures toward Krista* You seem pretty crazy.
Me: Are we crazy? Hahaha, I mean, she’s pretty drunk right now, so she’s a little wild.
Guy: Hahaha yeaaah, I see that. *Krista sings and dances* So listen, uh, I really wanted to talk to you and say hi, but uh, you know, maybe away from your friends… *gestures behind himself*
Me: Hahaha, um, alright…
Guy: So, do you wanna…
Me: *nervous laugh* ummm…
Guy: Oh hey! This is my buddy (forgot his name too, lime green shirt guy) he uh, hahaha, he wanted to say hi too.
Lime Shirt: *fidgets* no, hahaha, dude, it’s…
Me: Hey, how are you, nice to meet you *shakes hand*
Lime Shirt: *fidgets more, nervous/reluctant smile* I’m good, I’m good, hahaha
Me: Alright, hahaha that’s good.
Guy: So uh, yeah… I just wanted to come say hi…
Me: Hahaha, alright, um, well, thank you!
Guy: Yeah! No problem hahaha, uh… Hi! *waves and backs away*
Me: *laughs, waves back* Hi!
Me: Did I just get hit on or did we both get hit on?
Krista: *sings, somewhat looking at me*
Me: Omg, I made that so awkward, he said hi and I said thank you and he walked away!
Krista: You’re supposed to continue talking to them. He wasn’t that hot anyway. It’s the hot ones you gotta watch out for when they come up to you and deal a line cause you gotta think like, how many other girls have you done this to, cause you sound like a pro.
And that’s the story of how I turned a rare occurrence of an attractive tall gentlemen of my age group hitting on me into an awkward situation. It’s not the first time, and it unfortunately probably won’t be the last either. However, I generally grab the attention of older gentlemen, especially those of the Arabic and African American communities, so making it awkward usually works in my favor rather than against it.
I wish I could be like a normal person and let this go, but it’s the last thought I went to bed with, and the first I woke up to. It’s not really that I wanted to get in his pants and wake up in some strange bed regretting bad drunk decisions. It’s more the fact that my lack of being hit on / dating / relationships in my youth has left me unprepared for when these instances actually happen nowadays. I freeze up and no matter how much I tell myself to be open to strangers talking to me in suggestive manners, I still seem to put out a “back off” attitude without really meaning to.
In fact, I have been told before that that is part of the reason as to why I’ve been unsuccessful in my love life. I’ve been the independent, don’t need no man cause I can do it myself girl, and it’s apparently intimidating. It’s a very thick wall I’ve built and I need to learn to take it down, because as much as I am still a strong willed independently thinking young lady, I also crave the affections of someone who cares enough to break down my barriers and accept me for who I am. (Isn’t that what we all want?)
I guess the moral of the story is that I still have a long ways to go and I must learn to grow from my mistakes. Maybe it’s okay to make things awkward. It takes guts to talk to strangers, and I honestly appreciate every guy (and lesbian) who’s had them and used them on me. Hopefully more will have them and I’ll become more accustomed and less awkward. But in the meantime, please feel free to laugh with me at my pain.