We’re Gonna Talk About Miley Cyrus’s VMA Performance

Before I start this post, I just want to say that I have 2 posts planned, WITH HANDWRITTEN NOTES I TOOK JUST FOR THE PURPOSE OF WRITING THEM WITH ALL MY THOUGHTS IN ORDER that I’m skipping in lieu of writing about the most currently pressing issue on the internet as of last night: Miley Cyrus and the 2013 VMAs.

Yeah. So let’s talk about that, shall we?

First, I would like to say that every year at the VMAs, there is always at least one moment in which I feel secondhand embarrassment due to someone saying or doing something stupid. This year’s was this moment right here:

While everyone has been going on and on about Miley during this moment, I would just like to point out that Robin Thicke’s LEG IS TWITCHING . And that makes this whole scene even more awkward and hilarious.

I would also like to point out that the stupid pink bears that everyone keeps saying look “bored” or “unenthused” ARE JUST FUCKING HIGH. THAT’S WHY THEIR FACES LOOK LIKE THAT. HELLO, INTERNET FULL OF STONERS. How hasn’t anyone else caught on to that?

Rick Diamond, Getty Images

Overall, I found this performance to be surpassing the realm of “trying too hard” and going beyond that. If Miley was trying to do something that was going to be talked about for a while, she succeeded. She also succeeded and some of the best reactions from the audience ever. I can’t get over Rihanna’s “bitch….you didn’t” face or Jaden Smith’s “WHAT ARE MY EYES SEEING!?” look of terror.  Although upon searching the picture of the Smiths, apparently their appalled faces were for Lady Gaga and not Miley.

Lastly, I wish she would’ve put that tongue away because it was literally out all night and it was giving me sentient nightmares.

And now that I’ve discussed Miley, I’d just like to say that I was TOTALLY EXCITED to see Iggy Azalea on national television in all her gorgeous Aussie glory and was saddened that she didn’t win the award for up and coming.

Iggy and Rita Ora

I also basically pissed my pantaloons when THERE WAS REALLY AN NSYNC REUNION even if it was only for 118 seconds. I had to suppress a real scream and let out a barely breathing squeal of excitement.

Also, let us not leave tonight without mentioning Gaga’s ass. I don’t know why, but I really approve of her wearing nothing but a couple of clamshells and a g-string the rest of the night after her performance. I also appreciate the fact that she mooned everyone at least once during the performance in that ensemble. Yo go Gaga, you put that fabulously toned ass on display!

Lastly, Taylor Swift was such a fucking bitch that it just gave me more reason to passionately dislike her and her shitty “music”. This is a gif from when One Direction accepted their award.

Her acceptance speech really annoyed me, mostly due to the fact that she said “I also want to the thank the person who inspired this song who knows exactly who he is because now I got one of these.” Apparently this is about Harry Styles, although I personally think the guy in the video looks like Jared Leto.

And that’s about all that matters.

Oh, and this.

Sorry not sorry.

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