I Fall Asleep Writing Poems at 10:38 PM

Has anyone else been doing National Poetry Month this year? I keep skipping days and then falling asleep trying to come up with lines to rhyme lmao. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep at like 10:38 last night. I still need to fill in AT LEAST 5 days of poems. Sigh. Duties.

I’m debating what to do with my day off tomorrow. I kind of just want to be a couch potato and stay at home, not really do much. I should probably hit up the gym though. I went today and it was a good decision. Although this one really beefy guy who I’ve seen before and always stares at me intensely was lifting next to me and it was kind of hilariously awkward because I felt like he was showing off.

But I’m not sure if he was showing off in like HEY BABAY way or a LOOK AT MY FUCKING GUNS BITCH YEAH I KNOW I DON’T NEED TO LIFT ANYMORE BUT LOOK AT MY BICEPS, THEY’RE THE SIZE OF YOUR THIGHS way. He kept making eye contact with me and then lifting 100s. I was like….okay…I’m just gonna continue tricep dipping here…

The best part was when he flexed his biceps in the mirror and I really had to restrain myself from laughing out loud. Seriously, sometimes people do shit that makes me have to bite my tongue and I look insane smiling in the mirror.

That Grad Life

Today was nice. The weather was pleasant for a good portion, (it’s been raining since ~4 PM) so I had a great run before I headed off to school for the graduation fair, which thankfully, despite the power going out and all the classes being cancelled, was still going on.

Hit up the bar after followed by hanging out with Alyza and Tina for a bit and I just finished watching about 2 hours of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’m seriously in love with that show.

I Cleaned My Desk, Yay!

First I watched this very amusing video of Ron Swanson eating a banana:

Then it led me to TWERKSANITY lmfao.

Also, I finally got around to cleaning and organizing all the paperwork I had piled up for ~4 years in the top portion of my desk. Once I get rid of the books in there, it’s gonna be even more roomy. Pretttttty excited I accomplished this today!

I’m taking baby steps toward cleaning my room overall. Next time I have a significant amount of time, I will be cleaning the two cubby shelves of the desk where I have stashed various random things including, from what I can currently see, Anthropologie candles, a devious book my friends gave me for Christmas one year, and plushies.

YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH, I just got a BRILLIANT IDEA. I should paint my desk. YES. Maybe I will when it gets warmer out and stops raining. Excellent. Bed time.

Sigh.

So, Sunday’s are my weigh ins for Weight Watchers and I forgot to do it this morning. Smart ass me also forgot to do it right after I got home from the gym, but remembered right before I got in the shower, post eating.

The scale told me a horrifying number and it’s been nagging me for the past 8 hours. I can’t figure out if the weight I’ve gained is muscle or fat.

On the one hand, I’ve been indulging in foods I shouldn’t, and I haven’t been utilitizing the Weight Watchers trackers like I should be. Which only makes me mentally slap myself and ask THEN WHY AM I PAYING FOR IT!?

On the other hand, I can lift heavier and resist more weight. I also tried on the dress I wore on St. Patrick’s day after freaking out about the weight gain and it seems to fit a tad better than it did a month ago. My American Eagle jeans also fit fine. And my friend who hadn’t seen me since Christmas was literally taken aback when he saw me last week.

MY MOTHER, on the other hand, who is never any help when I ask her anything to do with fitness/health, told me she thinks my stomach area looks bigger. I don’t even know why I ask her anything when it comes to this stuff. She always comes off sounding like a bitch and never helps my self esteem. Not that I expect her to coddle me.

Anyway, I think it’s time to stop fucking around and really retrain myself – not only physically, but psychologically.

I know muscle weighs more than fat. But it is extremely disheartening stepping on the scale and seeing a plateau or WEIGHT GAIN. Ugh.