My question is: WHY DO CENTIPEDES EVEN EXIST OMFG
I’d just finished my second skirt. I don’t know where I was going exactly, but I looked up at the ceiling in the corner of my room and there was a FAT 3 INCH BROWN CENTIPEDE CHILLIN’ ON THE WALL ABOVE MY TV.
I panicked, whisper-screamed for my brother to come kill it. He tried. He picked the wrong shoe (it wasn’t a flat flip flop like I was trying to tell him to use BECUASE IT WOULD KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER) so of course IT DIDN’T DIE. It flopped to its happy survival behind my tv and then scurried underneath my dvd player, where my dad, who had woken up because my brother and I were kind of yelling at each other at this point – me telling him to FIND IT, and him telling me HE CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT (YES YOU COULD YOU LITTLE SHIT).
After throwing all my shit every where, my dad found it under my dvd player, almost killed it, but then it scurried away to the ground in the corner of my room somewhere around my bookcase NEVER TO BE FOUND AND IT IS NOW FUCKING LOOSE AND HAPPY AND ALIVE PROBABLY SOMEWHERE STILL IN MY ROOM EVEN THOUGH MY DAD THINKS IT FOUND ITS WAY DOWNSTAIRS THROUGH THE CRACKS AND SHIT.
PERSONALLY I THINK IT’S GOING TO FUCKING POP OUT AGAIN SOMETIME IN MY ROOM AND HE’LL YELL AT ME AGAIN THAT BUGS LOVE MY ROOM BECAUSE IT’S DIRTY AND THERE’S DUST EVERYWHERE AND HE’LL OFFER TO CLEAN IT FOR ME AND I’LL TELL DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING .
AND THEN HE’LL YELL AT ME THAT I’M SQUEAKING THE FLOOR AND I’LL BE LIKE FUCK YOU IN MY HEAD WHILE I PUT ALL MY SHIT THAT HE THREW EVERYWHERE BACK WHERE IT BELONGS.
Update: IT CRAWLED OUT, 2 HOURS LATER. I found it chillin’ on my carpet like it owned the place and I MURDERED ITS ASS.