WTF is Wrong with People?

I am 110% DONE with people and am so happy I don’t have to work for 2 days.

I had several customers today completely ignore me when I greeted them and asked if I could help them out. Flat out ignored me and walked away. WTF?

And then at the end of the night, this bitch fucking HIGH PITCHED GIGGLED AT ME. I was like R U OK? I hope my facial expression was a mixture of confusion, disgust, and embarrassment for her, because THAT WAS HOW I FELT and it took a great deal of energy not to slap her.

That’s my gripe for tonight.

And now I will go submerge myself in 3 back to back episodes of Mad Men and ogle the likes of Jon Hamm and his giant penis.

Don’t judge me, okay? I’m not the one who took the picture. And there were far more “explicit” examples to choose from.

#packin’

Okay I’m done.

Catching Up on Life Part I

I finally had a day off where I could do things for me. THANK GOD.

I woke up at 11, stared at my drapes, and decided it was time for new ones. So post gym time, I hit up Joann’s and bought fabric and whipped them up before I unlocked level 1000 of homemaker status via baking pumpkin cheesecake, mini pumpkin cheesecake, and pumpkin pudding. #wifey (Seriously though, reasons I’d make a good wife…)

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I also went to Best Buy to play with their DSLR’s and gauge what I want to upgrade to. As I was talking to the camera girl, she mentioned that the Nikon d7100 will be released this Sunday and opened up the cabinet it was in to let me see the box. A few minutes later, she took it out, mounted it, and LET ME PLAY WITH IT. I WAS SO EXCITED, IF YOU CAN’T TELL.

Lowdown: it’s fucking amazing! It’s being sold as body only, although you can get it with the 18-105 mm lens. I WANT IT. I’m thinking of upgrading to this beast. I still need to sell my d3000 though.

I also got my new glasses from Coastal in the snail mail today and I love them!

And lastly, I just watched episode 1 of season 5 of Mad Men and IT WAS EXCELLENT. LOL at the following parts:

– At Don’s surprise party:
Roger: “Why don’t you sing like that?”
Jane: “Why don’t you look like him?”
– Peggy chillin’ with Joan’s baby and Peter walks in and asks “What’s that?”
– Peter telling his secretary to pencil in a fake meeting with Coca Cola at 6 AM on Staten Island, knowing that Roger will see it
– ROGER ACTUALLY GOING TO SAID FAKE MEETING LOLOLOLOL FOREVERRR

Glee: You’re Doing It Right

All I wanna say tonight is that Glee was EXCELLENT.

Tonight’s episode was really stellar – and last week’s scene when Finn motherfucking burst in and beat the shit out of Brody and was all STAY AWAY FROM MY FUTURE WIFEomfg.

Why can’t I have someone who loves me that much? Goddamnit.

If I really sit and think about these things, I just get more depressed about the road my love life is taking – which is straight to the nunnery because I’m clearly not good enough for anyone. I’m just gonna be celibate for the rest of my life.

Don’t you love how I can make that shit about my love life? Me too.

About That Time I Was Shopping 3 Feet Away from Steve Kardynal

Things I’m glad I did today:

1. Go shopping with my mom to my place of work despite not wanting to see the place on my day off.

WHY YOU ASK!?

I’ll fucking tell you why.

I TOTALLY ENCOUNTERED YOUTUBE SENSATION STEVE KARDYNAL WHILE I WAS SHOPPING FOR SHIRTS FOR MY BROTHER AND I IMMEDIATELY BECAME STARSTRUCK, BLUSHED PROFUSELY, AND AVERTED EYE CONTACT POST INITIAL EYE CONTACT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I ENCOUNTER FAMOUS PEOPLE.

If you don’t know who Steve Kardynal is, let me give you the lowdown:

He’s a YouTube artist from the Metro Detroit Area who is most famous for this “Songs in Real Life” video series and the fake girl in bikini ChatRoulette videos. He’s a genuinely funny guy with fabulous facial hair. And I highly recommend you go subscribe to his channel asap. You won’t regret it, I promise.

Anyway, I was tra la la la shopping and I looked up for some reason and THERE HE WAS. And then I looked down but then I involuntarily looked up really quickly – quickly enough that it was obvious for him, his friend, and my mom to all realize that a normal person doesn’t snap their head back that quickly. I’m pretty positive he realized I knew who he was. And then I felt kinda bad cause I was like shit, he’s gonna think I’m about to ambush him for an autograph or be like OMFG YOU’RE STEVE KARDYNAL!!!

I didn’t say anything to him the entire time we were there and he was within touching/talking/seeing distance because no matter how much bragging rights I could have to a picture or an autograph or some shit, I first and foremost became too starstruck to say anything. But secondly, I decided it was nicer of me to pretend like I didn’t know who he was and bother him while he was trying to shop like a normal human being.

There was a point probably 10 or 15 minutes after the initial encounter that I was looking at size small t-shirts and I saw him out of the corner of my eye heading directly towards me and I was like OMG HE’S GOING TO SAY SOMETHING. And I looked up and he looked at me, but then he went down the aisle next to me.

#shylife

And that’s the most exciting thing to have happened to me since I acquired a certain phone number last week.

I also, however, found a 4-5 month old adoptable kitty at Petco named Tinkerbell who I have absolutely fallen in love with. I held her for a good 10 minutes and she was completely 100% calm and relaxed my arms. When the volunteer chick wanted to put her back, she didn’t want to leave my arms. I was like OMFG STAHP.

Broke my heart to give her back. She’s adorable and fluffy and SO FULL OF LOVE and I WANT HER.

Best St. Patrick’s Day Ever!

I spent the vast majority of yesterday at a dive bar in my old hood down by 8 mile, and despite the bathrooms being rather gross and the overall dive bar-iness of the place being evident, I had a lot of fun with my college biffle Alyza, manfriend, and a bunch of boys in tights who at one point, got out of the ring to fight right in front of us and threw several drinks around, and we all got splashed with Jack Daniels. Classy.

I was on a steady tipsy train for about 6 or 7 hours. And then manfriend brought over a shot of Jameson – and that’s when I entered drunk town. Always, I swear to god. I get all numb in the lips and the finger tips and I start slurring my words. The whiskey is what sends me into swaying-when-I-walk and being-okay-with-strangers-commenting-on-and-trying-to-touch-my-boobs mode. Alcohol, I’m telling you.

#drunk

I don’t even know how many drinks I had last night. But I know it was a lot. And I’m once again surprised I don’t have a legit hangover today. I’m once again dizzy when I bend over a little too far, however, and I’m still burping up Curacao and Tanqueray, among other alcohols.

I feel like I should’ve been doing this all my years of college. What did I do with my life? Be studious. That’s the answer.

That and NOT SEND PEOPLE DRUNK FACEBOOK MESSAGES THAT IN RETROSPECT ARE SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING. But it’s okay because at least drunk me sends really nice drunk messages full of love and adoration. So to all of you who get drunk messages from me professing my love to you, I hope you feel honored that drunk me considers you that important.