An Open Letter to My 1:15 AM Thoughts

Dear Forever Almost-Maybes or Just One In Particular,

It’s raining tonight. But you know that.

And I’m sitting here looking at the green icon next to your name telling me you’re active, but I’m irked by the fact that you’re not on Skype.

Did I do something wrong? Was our last interaction too awkward for you? Are you avoiding me because of it? There’s a thousand and one questions I want to ask, but I’m afraid of the answer, no matter how many times I repeat “YOLO” in my head. I’m scared to scratch too deep, even though you’ve never gotten angry with me before.

Maybe I’ve been conditioned to be scared like this, afraid to hear to the octaves and the tones reach higher. But that doesn’t make me want to ask less questions. Because wanting and doing are two different things, as we keep reminding ourselves.

Yet I still don’t feel unburdened no matter how many times I say that I want to ask you a million questions. I just want to be closer to you. I just want to be able to communicate with you more freely. Is that too much to ask? I hate that this always happens.

But at least you didn’t apologize for last time.

Love,
V

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