Figs & Friends

Day 30.

Today I’m grateful that I have wonderful friends go to pottery festival with me and are willing to try various Arabic foods and figs and gin and tonic for my amusement and talk about aliens and cats and things.

Because I feel like everybody needs people like that in their lives so that they can confirm that yes, maybe you are a little crazy, but they love you that much more for it.

I made Alyza try dried figs. It was REALLY funny.

I made Alyza try dried figs. It was REALLY funny.

Etiquette 101: Do Not Talk About People Behind Their Back While They’re Standing Right in Front of You

Day 29.

Today, I can’t choose between being grateful that my mother taught me good manners, or being grateful for asshats whose douchebag qualities hurt my feelings but ultimately make me stronger, so I will be grateful for both.

Let me elaborate.

I like thrifting. I like the possibility of finding designer merchandise for cheap – like the genuine Burberry scarf I found tonight for $4.00. However, I do not like feeling uncomfortable shopping in a store because one of the employees is an asshat I grew up and went to school with.

It started off when I passed by the counter and he asked if I was ready to check out and I said no. Awkward encounter #1, check. Avoiding eye contact when I need a fitting room? Awkward encounter #2, check. But what really topped it off was what actually made me cry in my car on the ride home the entire time.

As he was cashing me out, while the Verifone machine was transmitting information, he stepped back and whispered something to his co-worker just low enough that I could figure out that he was talking about me, but not enough that I could hear what exactly he was saying. Followed by an out loud “But maybe it’s just me” and something else that my brain has already blocked out. I felt so small and awkward and inadequate and hurt.

Furthermore, I am ashamed of myself for even letting it get to me. For allowing myself to be feel uncomfortable around him and others like him, and allowing their energy and words to have any sort of power over me. Because honestly, when it comes down to it, no one can make you feel inferior with your consent. And I let that happen.

It’s not my fault that he chooses to be a cunty douchebag, but it is my fault that I allow his presence to disturb my happiness.

I’m working on this.

Indian Summer

Day 28.

Today I’m grateful that it’s November 28th, and it has still yet to snow in the Metro Detroit area whatsoever.

Summer is my favorite season, and having an Indian Summer is like, the best ever – always. So you can only imagine just how mentally happy I am that there is no snow on the ground yet.

I don’t have to deal with the incompetency of a neighboring city who only salts the roads around their malls, I don’t have to deal with driving in the snow in general (including not being able to see what oncoming traffic looks like because of snow pile ups, driving slow, unsalted roads, ice) and so on.

I am a-okay with it not snowing all winter long, as long as we get a White Christmas, cause last year we didn’t and I was sad. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas if it’s not snowing on Christmas, you know?

Everything is Stressful

Day 26.

Today I’m grateful that there’s only 4 weeks left of this term.

Because everything is stressful and there’s too much to do and too little time to do it and it’s fucking week 7 and I’m still undecided about whether my portfolio is going to be just my photography or what.

I’ve made preliminary pages that showcase my illustration skills. I feel like I’d be like a “fraud” or something if I walk into my interview and present just my photography. Like, I’ve just spent the past 3 years learning and honing skills in fashion design, you know? I mean…I’ve also spent the last 3 years doing that with photography, but I didn’t pay like $65,000 to do that.

Sigh. I just want everything to be over with and I want to lay around and drink and sleep all day for like at least a month straight until I get bored out of my mind.

I’m also stressing out about internships because everyone keeps asking me about where I’m going to go and how I’m going to be able to do out-of-state and what happens if I don’t get any of the out-of-state ones and blah blah blah and I’m just like please leave me alone to think about all of this myself.