Fox.

So this year for Halloween, I’m gonna be a fox. I had planned to be a fox last year, but I didn’t buy ears or a tail at the Ren Fest, and this year I finally indulged! I bought makeup and more brushes to help in actually creating a fox face. I think I did a pretty decent job.

And if you’re a deviantart geek, you can totally favorite this by clicking here.

I’m still deciding whether I want to do full on fox face on Halloween day. I think I probably will. But I also have to do it to Alyza’s face, cause we’re being foxes together. It takes time. I’m not positive, but I think it took me like an hour to do this tonight. And I’m only saying that that because Pandora asked me if I’m still listening.

Thank god that I have this all set though. This term is shaping out to be more work than I had expected.

I’ma Break It Down For You.

I hate when I come up with great ideas for what I should write about on here and then I completely forget them come time to actually execute them.

Anyway, I just read this Thought Catalog article entitled I Want You Because and while it is completely and irrevocably relatable, it got me thinking.

Isn’t it interesting how we form these bonds with people? Like invisible strings, attaching to one person and to the next, forming this worldly web where somehow, your one link leads to literally the rest of the world.

Re-reading this article, however, makes me want to talk about just how damn accurate it is, instead of whatever my original derivative thought was. But all I really have to say is that it’s really damn accurate and I’m not sure just exactly how to expand on that thought. Maybe I should break it down by paragraph.

Sometimes I wish I could just remove the want, extract it, but I get the feeling the want is not one of those things you can readily extract, like rotten teeth or slow-moving venom.

Yes. Accurate. Never have I ever been able to simply remove the want. Whether it be for a person or an object or a situation. Every “just stop” repeated in my mind is a futile battle that my brain plays with itself.

And it’s not that I want you officially, like I want your last name or your Sunday mornings or your hard shiny promise, I just want to absorb you. I want to know what you know, want to hear your stories, want to filter through them gently and get lost in them, them and the soft hypnosis of your hands in my hair.

I just want to absorb you is pretty much the best way to put it. Because sometimes, that is all you want. It’s kind of this monstrously insatiable feeling. Like how I feel about Pumpkin Spice Lattes or shiny new electronics or Chinese food. It’s like the presence of that someone is never enough, because the absorption of them is like a wet sponge that wants to hold more.

And I know we can’t be anything, I know that, but when has knowing anything stopped me from feeling it? Knowing better stopped me from wanting it?

Possibly the most poignant part of this whole blog post. Because when has knowing better ever stopped anyone from not wanting something? The saying goes “the heart wants what it wants” right? Relevant. You can try to tell yourself to stop wanting someone or something. But just because you tell yourself to stop, doesn’t mean you have the willpower or the mindset to do it.

And just because you tell yourself to stop, doesn’t mean you actually want to stop. Because that want is the titillating part of your day. It makes you feel alive and maybe a little dangerous, like maybe you’re living your life momentarily on the edge.

I guess that’s all.

Policy of Truth

This term I have portfolio class. Currently, our assignment is to develop/finalize our logo design. I’m having kind of a hard time with this for some reason. I know that I want to have a clean and simple design. But I can’t decide if my signature and my name in Caviar Dreams is enough.

I mean, ultimately, it’s my design and my taste and adoration of it that counts. But I plan on building a brand. Sometimes I look at my signature and wonder whether one day it will be recognized around the world. Is it powerful enough to have mental staying power? Because that’s crucial.

Also, since the last presidential debates have taken place during the 30 day challenge, and I was too lazy and tired and overworked to properly comment on them, I will comment on at least this last one by saying this:

There. is. no. such. thing. as. clean. coal. or. renewable. oil. And it fundamentally bothers me that Mitt Romney continues to say that one of the things he’ll do if he gets elected is basically eliminate funding for green energy research. I will phrase my outrage by saying WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I find that to be incredibly backwards thinking. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to live in a 20th century mindset run country. This is 20fucking12, guys. If you don’t invest in green energy research now, THEN WHEN? Oil and related products are scarce. Wind and solar energies are not. Where is the disconnect here?

Also, Romney has been incredibly notorious during these debates for plain out lying. Just tonight alone, in the first 15 minutes, he mentioned that he thinks killing Al-Qaeda members isn’t the way to solve the problem. THEN, just minutes later, he said that he has a plan for getting rid of Al-Qaeda and that it involves finding the perpetrators and killing them one by one. LOLOLOL WTF WTF. DOES THIS MAN HEAR WHAT COMES OUT OF HIS OWN MOUTH!? 

And the most terrifying part of it all is that people believe what he says. His vague as fuck answers are sufficient for them! And I bet a good chunk of those people only like him cause he’s fucking white. And that disgusts me. All I’m sayin’ is that I care about my vagina and the personal choices involving it, green energy, and another four years of continuing to remedy the pile of utter bull shit Bush left behind.

P.S. I’ve been obsessed with Depeche Mode’s Policy of Truth lately.