I’ma Break It Down For You.

I hate when I come up with great ideas for what I should write about on here and then I completely forget them come time to actually execute them.

Anyway, I just read this Thought Catalog article entitled I Want You Because and while it is completely and irrevocably relatable, it got me thinking.

Isn’t it interesting how we form these bonds with people? Like invisible strings, attaching to one person and to the next, forming this worldly web where somehow, your one link leads to literally the rest of the world.

Re-reading this article, however, makes me want to talk about just how damn accurate it is, instead of whatever my original derivative thought was. But all I really have to say is that it’s really damn accurate and I’m not sure just exactly how to expand on that thought. Maybe I should break it down by paragraph.

Sometimes I wish I could just remove the want, extract it, but I get the feeling the want is not one of those things you can readily extract, like rotten teeth or slow-moving venom.

Yes. Accurate. Never have I ever been able to simply remove the want. Whether it be for a person or an object or a situation. Every “just stop” repeated in my mind is a futile battle that my brain plays with itself.

And it’s not that I want you officially, like I want your last name or your Sunday mornings or your hard shiny promise, I just want to absorb you. I want to know what you know, want to hear your stories, want to filter through them gently and get lost in them, them and the soft hypnosis of your hands in my hair.

I just want to absorb you is pretty much the best way to put it. Because sometimes, that is all you want. It’s kind of this monstrously insatiable feeling. Like how I feel about Pumpkin Spice Lattes or shiny new electronics or Chinese food. It’s like the presence of that someone is never enough, because the absorption of them is like a wet sponge that wants to hold more.

And I know we can’t be anything, I know that, but when has knowing anything stopped me from feeling it? Knowing better stopped me from wanting it?

Possibly the most poignant part of this whole blog post. Because when has knowing better ever stopped anyone from not wanting something? The saying goes “the heart wants what it wants” right? Relevant. You can try to tell yourself to stop wanting someone or something. But just because you tell yourself to stop, doesn’t mean you have the willpower or the mindset to do it.

And just because you tell yourself to stop, doesn’t mean you actually want to stop. Because that want is the titillating part of your day. It makes you feel alive and maybe a little dangerous, like maybe you’re living your life momentarily on the edge.

I guess that’s all.

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