So evidently I got hit on last night in the library and it left me with mixed feelings of confusion, repulsion (the guy is no Jacob Hoggard, okay? Don’t judge me) and flattery. I also got hit on by one of my long time friends last night when I got home and was briefly online before I passed out, but that kinda doesn’t count cause he’s been doing that for ages.
AND, today at the gym the gentlemen next to me on the treadmill wouldn’t stop talking to me for a good 10 minutes. I’m not entirely sure if he was flirting or not, but I’m counting it.
So I ask myself – WHAT IS THIS!?
If you’ve been following my blog for the past year, you know I’ve written a good handful of posts complaining and whining and brooding over the fact that I have no love life, that there are no real prospects, and that I’m sick and tired of waiting around for some “knight in shining armor” cause clearly there isn’t one for me.
But suddenly, suddenly, BAM. I’m getting attention from a broad spectrum of guys and I don’t know how to handle it. And that’s another thing. I’ve begged and pleaded and wished and hoped for something, anything – some little inkling of this kind of attention, and I finally get it, and I’m almost overwhelmed. Having had no real contact with this kind of situation before, I feel handicapped and unprepared for what to do. But I think that’s okay. I think it’s a good lesson that I need to learn so I can get to whatever the next step in the learning process is.
Also, I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but I’m still on the fence about how to feel about this attention. I know it has at least something to do with my weight loss. There is no way any of this would’ve happened this time last year when I was about 30-40 pounds heavier. Why do I know that? Because nothing happened. But suddenly, I’m noticeably smaller.
On the one hand, I’m flattered because that means I’m doing something right. On the other hand, I’m offended because it means people are that shallow. But I’m also hypocrite because I find myself more attractive like this too. And there’s nothing wrong with that, actually, is there? I’m healthier now than I have been in years, and I’m on a continuous journey to become the healthiest I can be.
I think I just need to accept the road I’ve treading down now – awkward advances and all.