A Shower of Men

Another month challenge gone and past and finished, and another month of adventures to recount.

To begin, let me say that in the past year, J1B has been a solid rock for me in all my love-life woes. She has continuously reminded me of the quote “when it rains, it pours” and I only half believed her. I mean honestly, me? I’m not the kind of girl men swoon over (unless they’re old, middle eastern, or old & African American in a TJ Maxx parking lot) much less give any of their attention to me.

However, within the past week, I have suddenly found myself drowning in a whirpool of attention by quite literally a handful of men. And I’ve had to stop and take a step back and really looking at the whole situation.

First let me say that while I am actually quite flattered by all of this, I’m still struggling with whether to entirely let myself be flattered, or also be insulted. If you’re asking why I would be insulted, let me remind you that I am currently on a weight loss journey. I know that a lot of this attention has to do with my weight loss. I know that none of these guys would’ve paid me any serious attention before when I was bigger, because guess what, they didn’t. But suddenly I’m starting to look attractive. Suddenly I put a new pictures up and everyone wants to stick their dick in my mouth. Suddenly I’m desirable because my face is thinner, my body’s smaller. What does this say about people?

That we are fundamentally attracted to the way people look, and secondarily attracted to their personality. But seriously, I still can’t entirely wrap my mind around this whole situation. I mean, me!? I have choices!? I’m being chased!? You guys have no idea how much I’ve asked for this kind of thing from God or whatever forces have you. And after all this time, it’s beginning to happen and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel totally unprepared for any of it. And I want to complain about that, but then I think to myself how incredibly ungrateful I sound when I finally get (some of) what I want and I complain about not being prepared for it.

So I guess I’m just gonna go with it and see where it takes me. I’ve got my eye on one person in particular right now. And it’s really fucking complicated and I can’t believe I’m in this particular situation. I hope it turns out for the better though. We shall see.


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