:/

When I was in middle school, I was kind of depressed. Looking back on it now, sometimes I feel like I couldn’t possibly have been that depressed, but if I really think about it, I have evidence in the form of poetry of how depressed I really was. But somehow I got over it. I don’t know exactly what changed – perhaps it was the people I knew, cleansing them out of my life, and moving on.

Anyway, one of my friends has come to the realization within the last week that he is indeed depressed, after I told him that what he was telling me last week sounded like depression. I won’t go into the full details of the situation, but I told him tonight that the first step is acknowledging it.

Yet, I feel like I need to help him somehow. Here’s the thing though, about me helping: whenever people are depressed or really sad, I’m unsure of what exactly I can do or say that is actually helpful. I try my best to be positive and help them see the brighter side of things and hope with all my might that my positivity will somehow transfer to them and like, work some kind of magic. But no one ever comes back and tells me that my effort worked, so I don’t know if it does or not.

But I have this deep-rooted, ingrained feeling that I must always try and help these people. I’ve always been like this. I feel like it’s a life duty, something I was born with. I can’t just let people be sad, especially my friends. It’s draining for not only them, but those around them. Like I kind of feel drained of my energy after spending a good half hour with my friend tonight. Not like in a mean negative way, just in a sad negative way. You know?

*Sigh* I just wish he could see how amazing he is and how beautiful life is. But he’s stuck in this idea that he will be forever working at this dead-end job, in a sexless relationship, unable to get hired into his field and other shit. And all I want is for him to turn his head and see there is more to life than this. As Buddha said, “the mind is everything. What you think, you become.” and I think that’s happening for him.

How can you coerce someone to see the positive side of life? How you can infect them with that bug when they’re so down and low they can’t see any lights? It hurts my heart.

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