Dear Victoria’s Secret,
Let’s start off with the good stuff. In 6th grade, I entered one of your stores for the very first time and if I remember correctly, I instantly fell in love. Although if I remember even more correctly, I’m pretty sure I felt like the damn teeny-bopper I was in a land of foreign, and what I at the time considered skanky items. But aaah, do times change. I think I was in 7th grade when I purchased my very first thongs from you guys and suddenly I felt like I was part of the in-club. Because honestly, why should all the popular skanky girls have all the panty fun?
Aaah, those were high times for shoppers of Victoria’s Secret cotton undies. 5 pairs for $20 (yes, perhaps a ridiculous price even back then, but alas) made you feel like you’d accomplished something good that day. And so the addiction began. And the underwear multiplied. And I was in love with the colors and the thongs and the fact that I felt better about myself because of them!
But then, then you had to go and raise your prices. For the next oh…5-7 years, I had to cut down on buying your undies because they were 5 for $25, and I wept a little, watching my allowance and then my hard-earned money trickle your way nonetheless. Because I couldn’t stop (and I still can’t entirely stop, damn you VS!) buying your amazing underwear, especially not when you started sending me FREE PANTY coupons. 6 pairs for $25!? DON’T MIND IF I DO.
But then, THEN, VS, you hurt me even more. You stopped carrying XL in cotton panties in your stores. Sure I can get them online and your snail-mail catalog, but why on earth would I want to pay shipping on 5 pairs of underwear? But you know, it’s kind of okay now. I can fit into large and sometimes even medium undies from you. And I can totally get XL panties at the VS Outlet (thank god for that) at Great Lakes Crossing.
Yet, the saga doesn’t end. You recently upped your prices on cotton panties again. 5 for $26.50? Really, VS? This is just cruel. I won’t be surprised to see 5 for $30, but I will be very, very sad. And I’ll probably keep buying them…speaking of more price hikes, I AM STILL PISSED AT YOU FOR RAISING THE PRICES ON COTTON BRAS TOO, VICTORIA’S SECRET.
What was wrong with 2 for $40!? I saw that period of time when they were 2 for $45 and now they’re 2 for $49.50. Newsflash, IT’S THE SAME FUCKING SHIT IT WAS BACK THEN. I understand the economy is tough, but how does it make sense to RAISE your prices!? Listen VS, I’ll probably always be a loyal shopper because you hooked me line and sinker in 2003. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be a HAPPY shopper when you try to feed me 3 pairs of underwear for $30 and expect me to feel fulfilled parading my ass in leopard printed and lace lined g-strings. Yeah I’ll feel good (damnit) but my bank account will be crying because of you!
Love and an overflowing box of panties,