Dear You

Dear You,

I’ve been saving this for last because I’ve been somewhat composing it in my mind in the past month, trying to perfect it in such a way that was appropriate as to what I want to say.

I suppose I should start off by saying if you read this, and you realize it’s about you, that I hope it won’t change things or make them awkward between us. Although, I’ve mentioned you many a-times here and maybe you’ve seen them (or maybe not) but you never seem phased, which honestly, I’m quite grateful for.

That said, I was warned not to boldly pursue my intentions concerning you because it wouldn’t end well, and so, I think for the most part, I’ve been doing a good job. I feel like I’ve “cooled off” from the idea of you, but you’re still kind of ever-present. I can’t decided which way I like better though. On the one hand, being hot and bothered by the thought of you was a thrill in itself. But on the other hand, I seem to suddenly have room to think of other things.

I’m not going to spill the whole contents of my heart out here, but you should know that I treasure and value the relationship we have. I often try to remember exactly how we got to be so friendly and how we got to know each other, and I can’t quite remember for sure, but I think it all began last summer. For some reason, you came upstairs. And for some reason, you stopped and talked with me. And for some reason, you’ve continued doing it for a year, walking through that door, always with a smile or a smirk on your face, and stopping for a chat.

I want you to know I look forward to each and every time that happens. Your presence in my life is something that has lifted by spirits and sustained them for a year now. I cherish this act of kindness very much, and I hope it makes you feel good to know that you make me feel happy. I enjoy your company and relish at the thought of our conversations, past and future. I appreciate that we can sit and talk for hours without it ever getting boring, or tiring, but rather ever-flourishing and stimulating. Thank you for that.

I look forward to future happy hours spent chatting with you about anything and everything and much more. Maybe someday all my hopes and wishes will come true…

Love,
YFFS 

For My Mami

Dear Mami,

I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Got it? Good. You have raised me to be pretty spectacular person, and I’m so lucky and happy to have you for a mother. You’ve made so many sacrifices for us to be happy, healthy and sound and you continue to make sacrifices for us. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you. Okay I lied, I’m pretty sure you’d be completely content with going on cruises the rest of your life. I will try to make that happen for you, cause you deserve a lifetime of vacations.

I love that we have a really good relationship. You are the best shopping partner. You have had and continue to have patience with me when we go places and you’re good at knocking sense into me.

I love that you raised me without religious indoctrination and taught me to think for myself and come to my own conclusions. I like that you try to be supportive of everything I do, and I know you feel bad for missing various important (at least to me) events in my life. But that’s one of the sacrifices you constantly make for me, and in the end, I appreciate it more than you know.

I like that I can get away with saying a lot of weird, awkward, and sometimes inappropriate things to you and for the most part, you don’t care. Sometimes I even like how worried you get about me cause it means someone cares, although I do wish you’d loosen up some more.

Thank you for all that you do for me.

Love,
Your daughter

Letter to My 16-year-old Self

Dear 16-year-old self,

Okay scaredy cat, you’re officially old enough to get your license, so go and get it. I know you’re going to wait a year, but trust me, you’ll love driving when you can finally do it on your own. Minus the highway, you’ll still be afraid of that – but that’s okay cause driving Woodward will be one of your favorite things to do in the summer.

Also, I know you’re concerned about your grades – not because they’re bad, but because you want to impress colleges. The one you’ll be going to doesn’t care WHATSOEVER about your high school performance. I’m pretty sure they won’t even accept your (failed) AP English exam score. And the one other one you’ll apply to cares about your portfolio more. (You get accepted to both!) Stop stressing out. You’ll do amazing things and meet wonderful people when you get there and move on and find new friends.

Also, I know you have your hopes up for college in terms of love, but baby, it’s not gonna change. Yeah the people pool is different and I know you’ve come to terms that nothing’s gonna happen in high school, but nothing’s going to happen in college either and while that’s kinda sad, it’s okay. Keep your hopes up, but don’t let them float you away. It’s dangerous.

Lastly, hang on to every one of those glorious high school moments. You’ll forget most of them, but they’re worth more than you know. Enjoy seeing your friends every day while you can.

Love,
Nearly 21-year-old self

P.S. You will finally meet Betsy IRL!

Dearest Mad Men

Dear Mad Men,

I’ma try to keep this brief cause I want to catch an episode of you guys tonight before I head to bed. So I will say this: I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE SO ADDICTED TO THIS SHOW. 

From the very first episode, I was captivated in this weird and subtle way and I haven’t been able to stop watching. I haven’t gone back to Dawson’s Creek yet because I’m hell-bent on finishing you up, or at least the first 4 season on Netflix.

I love all the characters, even Pete Campbell with his weird snobby attitude and naivety. I especially love Peggy because she’s the central strong female role that I feel was just starting to emerge in the workforce at that time and she portrays it excellently.

SEXUAL.

I love Joan and her amazing curvaceous body and to die for red hair. I love Don and his sleezy hypocritical manwhore agenda. I especially love Roger cause I think he’s a phenomenally sexy old man. I love Harry Crane and his beautiful round boyish face. I don’t really love Betty cause I think she’s weak, but she looks beautiful when she go out to dinners and things.

I just love it all. You make me want to chain smoke every time I watch, even though I would never do that. I always think there must be thousands of smokers out there being triggered by this show, cause you’re triggering something I’m not even addicted to.

Moral of the story is I just love everything about you and I wish I was part of the show. MY BODY IS READY, DON DRAPER.

Love,
A new fan

Hey Garnier, This One’s For You.

Dear Garnier,

Okay, listen. I love you guys to death. About 2 years ago when I discovered you had invented store-buyable hair dye that is meant for dark-haired who want to be redheads like myself, I about shit my pants. I have found that particular line to be rather phenomenal. Nutrisse Ultra-Color R3 Light Intense Auburn is my best friend. Or rather, has been.

However, for a while now I’ve wanted to change my hair color to a more browny based auburn as opposed to the ever-beloved intense red-auburn that I’m used to. So I turned to your Nutrisse Ultra-Color B2 Reddish Brown, figuring that it was close enough to the R3 that you wouldn’t notice much difference.

Now, let me preface tonight’s hair coloring adventure by saying that I have tried, for many months, to research whether or not it’s okay to use the browns Ultra-Color line on top of the reds Ultra-Color line, and have come up with zero results. ZERO. Maybe it’s because no one has ever wanted to go reddish brown, I don’t know. But I’m going to make my blog the one with the answer to this question: IS IT OKAY TO DYE YOUR HAIR WITH GARNIER NUTRISSE ULTRA-COLOR B2 AFTER USING GARNIER NUTRISSE ULTRA-COLOR R3? The answer? FUCKING NO. NO, PEOPLE, NO.

I feel like this should be a question that you, Garnier, should answer on your boxes or your website, but alas, you do not. So I had to experiment on my precious hair. And the answer is that I AM A DAMN TWO-TONED GINGER. My roots are GOLDEN and the rest of my hair is just a touch more auburny red. I’ve been trying to convince myself for the past hour that it looks okay, but I surrendered and called my hair stylist to make an appointment for Friday to fix this shit. I can’t live with myself knowing I’ll be three-toned when my new roots come in.

I also can’t live with having GODDAMN HOT ROOTS. When I got out of the shower to grab the conditioner, I checked my hair real quick to see if it had turned the color I was expecting and I almost shit myself. I got back in the shower screaming “OH GOD I HAVE HOT ROOTS, OH GOD I HAVE HOT ROOTS!

Now, I should mention that I did not follow the instructions in the manual. I slapped all of the color on all my hair because I figured this was going to be like a prolonged touchup, rather than a first time dye (which says to put color on the ends first, then the roots). But honestly, I highly doubt that that would’ve made any difference. I probably still would’ve had hot roots.

Also, before any of you hair color gurus jump down my throat, I am fully aware of how this whole hair coloring thing works. My wonderful friend Alyza has explained it to me many times – but as I said before, I thought that since B2 was part of the same type of coloring line, it wasn’t going to make me DAMN GINGER. Thanks for letting me down internet and Yahoo answers! *Sigh*

I want to say lesson learned, but this is like summer of 2009 all over again when I tried to go blonde after my hair had been dyed black previously. Really bad idea. Really bad.

Either way, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GARNIER, SPARE OTHER PEOPLE FROM THIS MISHAP. LET US KNOW THAT WE CAN’T BE SWITCHING LINES ULTRA-COLOR LINES ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Love and a few tears,
Viviana

This One’s For You, Em.

Dear Marshall Mathers,

Earlier this month when I said that Billy Talent are lyrical geniuses of my generation, I probably should’ve parenthesed (?) you in there, because there are few people out there who can spit out a rhyme like you can. So let me start off by saying that I love you, I love you, I love you. I have loved you from the first time I heard Slim Shady playing on 93.1 DRQ over a decade ago and I have continued to love you through your entire musical metamorphosis.

I don’t remember when I learned you were from Michigan, or even when I learned we used to live in the same area and went to the same school, but I remember feeling unbearably proud. I am still unbearably proud to say that yes, I used to attend Lincoln and that yes, 8 Mile was right there and that yes, I did actually used to live a few blocks down from your often-rapped about home on Chalmers.

But going back to your music, and especially your musical metamorphosis – I don’t think I’ve ever stuck around a musician who has changed their sound for so long. You went from this punkass white kid with a semi-squeaky voice, rapping about killing bitches to this mature, beautiful man rap-singing about the saddest shit I’ve ever heard in the form of the song Space Bound. I don’t think I could be prouder to just…be from the same place as you.

And that’s another thing. I feel like a lot of us here in Michigan, and if not a lot, at least me, feel as if even though we don’t know you personally, we act like we kind of do. For example, I know a plethora of people who know you personally, so I guess I could say I have 1 degree of separation in many directions. Also, I’m still pretty sure I saw you driving once and that was one of the best days of my life. It is a goal in life for me to meet you some day. I will bask in the ambiance of your white boy accent and probably foam at the mouth just because.

I hope you continue to make music and I really hope you get your ridiculous titillating and shocking shit back. Remember when The Slim Shady LP came out and everyone was beyond outraged? Yeah, come on Em, gimme some ‘o dat. I wanna listen to you go on about outrageous things like throwing bitches in the lake. Stan was a ground-breaking song. I want more. I also wish you’d get your squeaky punkass voice back. I appreciate your matured deep man voice, but god…The Slim Shady LP and The Marshall Mathers LP were just phenomenal pieces of work.

Much love,
Forever a fan

P.S. When I was about 12 or 13, I totally bought a hoodie from Steve & Barry’s just because it said MARSHALL on it, in your honor. Dedication, homeboy.

Dear Etsy Sellers

Dear Etsy Sellers,

I’m gonna try to keep this short since I only have a few things to complain about.

First of all, I’d like to say that most of you have some RIDICULOUS prices for what you’re selling. Not all of you! But a lot of you. Who in their right mind is about to drop $35,000 on a 2 carat diamond ring on Etsy? Really? Or more than $3 on something made of brass or plastic or resin or otherwise worthless. Let’s not fool ourselves here – if you want people to pay high prices, make good products out of high quality materials.

This ring is $35,000. You’d think I’d understand that, being in fine jewelry. I don’t. It’s not even like pure gold. 18 karats? Shitty.

Secondly, all of you who have those illegal BNS things and illegally email other users and harass them to be in the BNS’s need to stop. Like, now. I don’t fucking want 3 emails a day from your ass. Who are you? I don’t care about your shit, you’re not GAP telling me I get to save 40% on something I want, so don’t email me. Thanks.

Thirdly, I still think the majority of you guys are buttholes. I continue to find that many of you hold on to your “trade secrets” like it’s a sin to utter a word about them. I’m not trying to steal your business. I just want to know where I can find assloads of crystals for prices lower than your retail ones. Why is that so hard to divulge? Like, maybe I just want to have buckets of quartz and bismuth. 

That’s really about it. I don’t expect things to change, but boy, wouldn’t it be nice?

– A Fellow Seller