What you should know as a customer from the view point of a retail sales associate who has worked in retail and fine jewelry:
1. I’m only saying hello because I have to. If I had it my way, I’d ignore you.
2. Don’t just nod and say okay when I tell you to bring everything out of the fitting rooms with you when you’re done. DO IT.
3. Don’t ask me for help and then walk away while I’m helping you, or get hostile with me when I can’t find what you’re looking for. It’s actually not my problem.
4. I’m asking you for your ID because of security purposes, not because I’m racial profiling. But please, be my guest and go ask for a manager to waste everyone’s time.
5. Oh you’re looking for a boy’s coat and I’m trying to help you even though I’ve already told you that’s not my department? PLEASE, go off on me one more time! I fucking LOVE to hear your attitude!
6. Bang your fingers on the counter one more time and yell at me to help you, even though you clearly see me with another customer and I’ve already told you I’ll be with you in a minute. I fucking love when people do that.
7. No, I cannot give you a discount because you’re old, the same ethnicity as me, you’re sweet, or because you want a better deal. This isn’t a flea market, it’s a legit jewelry store.
8. Yes, gold is that expensive. Long gone are the days when you could get a 14k solid gold ring for $50.00. That was 2 decades ago. We’re in 2012 now. Quit bitching!
9. I JUST arranged that section! Thanks for putting your cow fingers all over it and making it look like a fucking hurricane went through.
10. And I JUST cleaned that counter! Stop putting your fingerprints all over it!
11. Yank those hangers some more. I fucking love tangled hangers and clothes!
12. Ball that shirt up some more, why won’t you? I LIVE to fold shirts.
13. And boy do I love picking shit up off the floor! My favorite exercise is bending over 300 times a day to pick up bracelets and purses for 8 hours.
14. Oh, price checks? They’re my fucking favorite! Especially when I helped you out with the price while you were shopping and told you to bring the ticketed item with you at checkout, and you didn’t. Yeah, I love that shit.
15. READ THE FUCKING SIGNS. THEY’LL POINT YOU EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO GO. I AM NOT CUSTOMER SERVICE JUST BECAUSE I’M BY THE DOOR.