Douchecanoes.

Here is a lesson for all you asshole drivers out there: If you drive like a douchecanoe – tailgating me, in your big truck that’s compensating for your small penis – I will make sure to cockblock your passing around me. In fact, so will the car next to me that you’re currently tailgating instead. So don’t be that dick, because nobody likes people like you. Thanks.

Also, dear customers who demand to see items THIS VERY MOMENT when you can clearly see my hands are full or I’m with another customer: Please stop being douchecanoes as well. It’s not flattering and it’s only going to make me treat you less happily and with less courtesy when I finally do get to you and your ridiculous attention whore tendencies. Furthermore, bitching about the price of an item to me isn’t going to change it. I don’t make the prices, take your complaints to corporate and have a nice fucking day!

On a happier note, you know that nervous excitement you get when you’re anxiously awaiting seeing someone or something? It’s like a constant flow of adrenaline and endorphines and I almost wish I could be this kind of high all the time. (Not that I’ve experienced drug-induced highs.) Although the anxiety part of it I could do without. I just love feeling happy. And I feel sad and sorry for people who are depressed. There are so many things to be happy about in this life (as well as sad, I will not discount that) but open your eyes and breathe it all in. Life is beautiful! 

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