I feel like we’ve had this conversation before, but why? Why must I wait for you for so long? Why must I be deprived of you, while others flourish in your glory all around me? Why must you continue to elude me, hovering a carrot in front of my face as if I were a rabbit for your entertainment?
It seems so unfair that I’m still waiting for experiences that I should’ve had in high school, like nearly everyone else. I feel like a freak, something to be gawked at in a vaudeville circus. I feel abnormal. Frankly, sometimes I feel ashamed. I’m trying to cope with the idea that the immense lack of you in my life is okay, but it’s kind of hard. I don’t feel it’s okay partly because society tells me it isn’t, and partly because…it’s just so abnormal.
On the bright side, however, I am still brimming with hope that one day that carrot will finally fall into my mouth and I’ll get what I want. I’ll have you, love. I’ll have you and I’ll hold you and I’ll cherish you and one day I’ll be so happy that you’re finally, really in my life.
It just hurts having to wait for so long. It hurts not knowing when I’ll have you, if I’ll ever really have you. But I’m waiting. Impatiently, but waiting. Hurry the fuck up.